Fallen talent - a tribute to Jules Bianchi

Fallen talent

I couldn't sleep at all. I looked over to my right to see Daniel dead to the world. Little snuffles were coming from him. I couldn't bare to wake him just because I couldn't sleep. He looked so cute.

The reason I couldn't sleep was because I had a horrible feeling. I horrible feeling that something wasn't right. Not right at all. It felt as if something was missing. Not something. Someone.

It was around one am. I twisted the Tiffany engagement ring on my finger that Dan had given me a few days before when he had proposed. I smiled and opened the window, knowing that there was no chance I would sleep for a while.

The feeling carried on for a while. I decided that around two am I would go back to bed, get my phone, put my headphones in and cuddle with Dan. So that's what I did. When I clambered back into bed I woke him up.

"Can you not sleep?" He asked, sleep filling his voice.

"Not at all"

"Aww Sophie. Are you alright?"

"I just...I just feel like something isn't right. Like I'm missing someone inside"

"It's probably the excitement of getting engaged" he said, smiling his wonderful big smile and holding the hand and thumbing the ring.

"Probably"

"Now come on. Come sleep" he said, holding his arm open for me to sleep on his chest.

I still didn't manage it. He was asleep as his head hit the pillow.

Around half past two I had a look at my phone. I wished with all my heart that I hadn't as I saw the worst news i could ever see.

Jules Bianchi passed away

"No. No no no no. This can't be happening" I whispered. I tried to get the thought out of my head. But sadly, it was true.

I had to wake Dan up. He was so close to Jules. I couldn't not tell him.

"Dan"  I said, shaking him as tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Hmm...what's wrong Sophie? Don't cry" he said, hugging me close.

"Oh Dan. I don't know how this has happened"

"What? Just tell me. I won't be mad"

"It's Jules"

His face dropped.

"He died half an hour ago" I cried. The crying turned into sobbing.

"No. No they've got it wrong. It can't be true" he said, the lump in his throat turning into tears.

"It's true Dan. I don't believe it"

"I'll be back in a moment. I need to go and call Max"

He came back a few moments later with tears streaming down his face.

"How did he take it?"

"Not well at all. He broke down when I said he wasn't here anymore"

"I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday I was talking to him about the rain in Suzuka"

"Come on babe. Let's go back to sleep. We'll talk about it more in the morning"

***

I woke up at eight. I hoped to God that the early hours of the morning was just a dream. It wasn't. I vigorously checked my phone to make sure I hadn't read it wrong. I hadn't. He really had gone.

Dan and I were going to Hungary for the Grand Prix that day. We got a flight as late as possible. We still had to call Daniil. Dan left that up to me.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dany"

"Sophie? What's up? You don't sound to happy"

"Have you not heard?"

"Heard what?"

"Jules passed away in the early hours of this morning"

The line went silent. Soon it was replaced by little sobs.

"It's okay Dany. He's in a better place"

The line went dead as we were cut off.

"How did he take it?"

"Not good at all"

***

We were all sat in a room together. Every single driver. Waiting to go out on track for the tribute. Everyone was going out for him. Racing for Jules.

***

Dan came back into the garage after finishing P2. He was crying. I hugged him hard and went to the room where all the drivers were sat. The majority crying. The rest silent.

Everyone had a glass of champagne. We collected one as we sat down. The atmosphere was horrible. I knew I had to say something.

"Can I tell you men something?" I asked. They all looked over at me.

I stood up so they could all see.

"Would Jules want us to be sad? He was such a happy person. He wouldn't want us all crying. Obviously we will be sad, but he would want everyone to be happy. Not cry for him. He's not suffering anymore. He's up there with the greats. And he's one of them. One of our much loved greats. So let's not cry. Let's celebrate his life. His achievements. We never thought for a minute that we would see the day he retired from his fight. But he has done. He will be well looked after up there by Maria and Ayrton and all the other amazing people we have lost. So, let's raise a glass to Jules Bianchi. Our fallen talent."

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I know this is very late but at the time i wanted to write it I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I've done it now. Well done to everyone for getting through all the tragedies that Motorsport has thrown at us recently. Sleep well everyone we have lost present and past.

Sophie xx