How Our Love Became A Shadow

Where it began

This isn't going to be the typical story you read on here, the smut, the gossip. This is a story about the love i once shared with a girl, the girl of my dreams, the woman i can now no longer have.

It started off as an ordinary school night, scrolling through my phone on TikTok, just your typical doom-scroll as some may say, and then i saw her, the girl from my class, i admit she was cute, we haven't really spoken too much before then, not as much as what led to be anyways. So i sent her a screenshot,
"guess who's just come up on my For You Page?"
now, was that the best way to start a conversation? probably not. Did it work? Absolutely. That message was what started our years of love, a simple message, a coincidence, something as ordinary as a cringy little message, but it was the start of something a lot bigger than that.

As time moved on, we began speaking more and more, we started playing Fortnite together, Roblox, we started hanging out in school, speaking to each other in person more often, i had even played the guitar for her. Now hear me out here, playing the guitar may not sound like a big thing, but for me it was, i was absolutely terrible at playing that thing, infact i still have it to this day, but she loved it, she loved hearing me play the same tabs over and over again. Normal talk turned into late night calls, staying on the phone watching movies together until the sun came up, talking shit, laughing together, experiencing playfulness together. I had never had that bond with someone, don't get me wrong i was still alot closer to my friends, but with her it was different, it wasn't a friendly feeling, it was the feeling of wanting to open up to someone, the feeling of wanting to share time with someone no matter what that may mean for the future. I knew then that it was more than friendship, i had fallen completely and utterly in love with this girl.

We had never met up outside of school before, speaking of it now it feels like it were just yesterday, i remember every single little detail, she was out with a few of her friends, i was out with a few of mine and we had decided to meet up. A few minutes walk away from the school was a long path, along this path was a grassy hill with a tree planted right at the apex of it, it supplied enough shade to get out of the sun while still having the surrounding area to retreat from the shade if it got too chilly away from the sunlight. That day we spent hours there, talking, laughing, being stupid. All of us were enjoying ourselves, it was a good feeling, the feeling of my friends interacting with hers, the feeling of not having some bossy teacher telling us what to do while we would talk, the feeling of not being timed on our breaks. But the most special part of that day was the best, right at the end, as the girls were about to head home, we had kissed. Of course i had my first kiss along time before then, but not like this, it didn't feel like a normal stupid teenage love, it felt like the world around me had gotten greener, the sun shone brighter ontop of us, the flowers blossomed and the universe stopped around us, for the first time in a long time, i had the feeling of not wanting someone to end, the thought that i could stay in that kiss for eternity and i would be so totally fine with that. Yes we had spoken before that point, laughed and shared our time together, told our secrets to each other, but that moment in time was truly the start of Us.

From that point forward, the word 'Love' became something bigger than what you would tell your parents before you head to class, it was more than something you would write in a birthday card or a Christmas card, it was the feeling of being so comfortable with someone that you would lay down your life for them, the promise unspoken of cherishing them to your hearts content no matter the situation or consequences, the thoughts of wanting to spending everyday of your life making your one life's mission to make them happy and see them smile. You would only know that feeling if you've experienced what i've written so far, but believe me when i say, there is a lot more to learn, both good and bad, happy and sad.

Afterwards, we had spent every second of our spare time together, we would either be sat under the tree or down by a little creak close by, don't get me wrong, the creak stunk like absolute asshole, it was covered it litter and ran directly next to a massive sewer pipe, but we never cared in the moment, the only thing we cared about was being there, next to each other, staring into each others eyes, taking silly photos with snapchat filters, eating junk food from the morrisons situated close by to both the creek and our school. But regardless of how filthy that place was, the memories it holds outweighs all of the negatives about it, my friends skateboard which had fallen off of the ledge into the bottom of the sewer pipe, the rescue mission to retrieve it, the endless bugs and mosquitos which would surround us, walking throughout the forested area trying to find a new place to sit, the rude remarks made from our friends about us, of course we enjoyed it, we had spoken dirty to each other before, but not to the full extent of what's yet to be told. Unfortunately i am going to tell you every single little secret about our love, both the good and the bad, although this story will completely out the both of us, me writing this story of our love is the least i could do for her.