The Story Never Ends

I watched as Ariana came into view, walking along and talking with Rose, coming closer to where I stood. My hearts clenched at the sight of her. The pain of losing Ariana had never once left me. It wasn't just the pain of loss, but the pain of regret...I regretted losing her that fateful day at Canary Wharf, regretted running out of time before I could tell her what I wanted to say for so long, and regretted not having the courage to sat it when I was given the second chance.

Even though it had been painful to stand by and watch, I was glad that my duplicate self had the courage to say the words to Ariana, because she deserved at least that much. I had never stopped thinking about Ariana from the moment I turned my back to her on that beach and walked away for the very last time. I hoped she was having the fantastic life I always wanted for her. I hoped my other self was giving her all the love she so deserved that I myself could never give. 

I stood in the darkness continuing to watch her, not wanting to look away for even a moment because these few brief seconds were all I would have. She was passing by now, unaware that I was even there. The pain and finality of watching her go from my life culminated with the pain now coursing through my body, and I could not hold back the sound of agony that rose in my throat and escaped my lips. 

My Ariana, so in tuned to me even now, instantly picked up on my distress and turned back towards me, her chocolate brown eyes full of concern as she looked at me for the first/last time.

"You alright, mate?" 

"Yeah." I managed. What was one more little lie? 'I'm always alright. Does it even need saying?' It seemed I rarely spoke the truth to her, so I suppose now shouldn't be any different.

"Too much to drink?" She asked.

"Something like that."

She paused and gazed intently into my eyes. "Maybe it's time you went home."

Home...

I swallowed hard. I wanted nothing more than to go home. But home for me had been left behind standing on a beach in Norway, and I could never go back. 

"Yeah." I breathed out in agreement.

"Anyway," She brightened. "Happy New Year!"

I managed a smile. How could I not when Ariana was smiling back at me. "And you."

She turned to go. I couldn't bear to see her leave. Desperate for just a few more precious moments with her, I kept her talking by asking the first thing that flew into my head.

"What year is this?" I obviously didn't have to ask. I had set the coordinates for this very date. But my question succeeded in buying me just a little more time with her.

"Blimey, how much have you had?" Even she could see my question didn't really need to be asked.

I shrugged, hoping she would humour me.

It worked.

"Two thousand and five, January the first." She replied slowly.

"Two thousand and five." I repeated, then decided to at least tell her the truth about one thing. "Tell you what, I bet you are going to have a really great year."

She grinned widely, and for just this moment everything else was forgotten as I lost myself in her glorious smile.

"Yeah?" 

I smiled genuinely in return. Only Ariana could do that for me and bring a smile to my face in the moments of my death. My last smile was reserved only for her.

She continued grinning. "See ya!" She called to me one last time before turning to go.

My smile faded as I watched her disappear from my sight. She would soon see me, but I would never again see her. Pain seized me once again. I could fight this no longer. The time had come.

I gripped the wall for support as I pulled myself out into the empty alley and towards the TARDIS. My agony increased with every step until my legs could no longer support me and I fell beneath the strain letting out a cry of sheer agony. My eyes were blurry and losing focus as I looked towards my ship. I didn't know if I could make it those last few feet. It was then that my gaze fell upon Ood Sigma standing in the distance.

"We will sing for you, Doctor. The universe will sing you to your sleep."

As the haunting melody permeated my soul, I found the strength to pull myself up and complete my journey. Sheer determination drove my every step as I neared the TARDIS and my inevitable end.

I knew the story would not end here, but it was THIS story I wanted to continue. I could do SO MUCH MORE. Even though I would regenerate, it still felt like dying. Everything I was would soon die. A new man or woman would go sauntering away, but the man I now am would be dead.

Determined to complete my journey, I made my way into the TARDIS. I leaned heavily on the door, then straightened up and tossed my coat over the strut one last time. I raised my right hand and gazed at the golden glow now beginning to radiate from it. It was almost time. I closed my fist and approached the console, then set the TARDIS in flight for the final time. I stepped back as the regeneration process began. My hearts were beating rapidly. My physical agony merged with my mental turmoil and I was overcome with desperation of not wanting this to happen. I did not want this to come to an end.

"I don't wanna go...I can't leave her again!" I cried out in anguish.

But it was too late. Nothing could be fine. I had fought it for as long as possible, but could delay it no longer. At least I got to see Ariana one final time... My body almost burst into flames as my life's energy that was my Tenth self poured out of me.

But not simply to vanish like smoke. Unknown to me, something incredible was beginning to happen. The TARDIS was gathering my essence and pulling it into her very heart. 

I could feel the sensation of being pulled in two. I wasn't changing into my Eleventh self, my Tenth self was being pulled away. It was taking all the power the TARDIS had to be able to do this, and it practically destroyed the ship. Flames shot from the console and parts of the coral structure came tumbling down as the TARDIS fought to give her Doctor this one last gift.

I cried out as the sensation of the two intensified and then finally became complete. I was now aware of a new man standing in my place while I observed from above, like an out of body experience. I saw enough to know that this Eleventh Doctor was just fine as the new Time Lord exuberantly took inventory of his newly-formed body, before I could feel myself being pulled into the Vortex and sent back in time. 

Suddenly I could hear a chorus of words swirling and echoing around me as I made my fated journey.

'I could do so much more. SOME MUCH MORE! But this is what I get. My reward... WELL IT'S NOT FAIR!'

'Maybe it's time you went home.'

'Ariana...Oh my Ariana.' I thought at the sound of her voice.

'The story never ends.'