Finding Home

Chapter 2

June 1990

I sit beside Julia once we make it inside the plane. In our excitement, we begin to speak loudly about the planes we see moving and getting ready to take flight. We look out the window expecting the plane to take off out at any moment and watch as other planes around us load and others began to move.

I follow the instructions as closely as I can but for some reason doubt my every move. I put on my seat belt and feel the airplane come on. Immediately, I feel butterflies in my stomach, and I am more aware of the nerves I am feeling along with the thrill of the moment. I expect to be in the sky soon enough and the thought of it gives me a thrill.

As the airplane takes off, the butterflies go away and the sudden sensation of moving up towards the sky fills me with a suspense that I had never felt before. I am flying in the air and though the thought seems impossible, I know it is happening and smile incessantly for a long time.

We land and as the plane rolls into the airport. Dad tells us to stay close to him and mom once we are out of the airplane and to not leave his sight. A young woman with curly hair like mine stands beside my mom and I wonder why until I hear her tell dad that we can ride with her, so we follow her for a while before finding her car. Whether it is coincidence or serendipity that she too is headed to the same place we were is not certain.

We all jump into her car. It holds mom, my sisters and me in the back as dad rides in the front seat as she drove. Ana sits on mom's lap while baby Lina sits on Julia's. I get out of the small car and see before me a white home with a large porch and a yard full of trees. I immediately fall in love with the place. It is unlike anything I have ever seen in Mexico. It feels warm and full of comfort.

I follow my parents and take two steps up to the porch where I read the word the letters on the mat on front of the door created- welcome. I do not know what it means but attempt to read it nonetheless. The young woman in the Camaro leaves once a person from the other side of the door opens it and at the sight of old friends rejoice with great eagerness.

We walk into their home where they invited us and where they speak like old times, feed us as they did in Mexico, and enjoy each other's company but not in the same fashion that it was during their visit in Mexico. Aside from us being in a different country, we are in their home with suitcases at hand and asking not just to stay the night but to stay with them until we find a place of our own.

The air feels different as we sit amongst them. Stiff smiles and short conversations surround us. I try to not pay too much attention to what is happening. Reality always scares me and sometimes disappoints me, and as I sit there around this family that were once hospitable and  nice at one point in their lives while they were away from their home are now the opposite. Something in me begins to create a wall between what is happening and me. I am inside my world.

Suddenly I am brought back to life, and I am in a perfect bedroom. It is spotless and everything matches. The curtains and bed comforter match the pillowcases. It seems to me that our friends, like my aunt and cousin, have a perfect life because their homes are so impeccably clean and decorated perfectly. I imagine how it would feel for a few seconds if this were to be my house.

The bed does not hold us all. I try to fall asleep on the bed with the rest of the family but to no avail. I look at my parents and sisters lying beside me sleeping. I turn myself away from them and close my eyes and hum until I fall asleep.

I wake up the next morning with the rest of the family. Mom tells Julia and I to get in the shower after she gives Lina and Ana theirs. Dad wakes up before the rest of us and leaves early. Julia gets in the shower before me, and I help mom dress Lina as she dresses and fixes Ana's hair.