Finding Home

Chapter 1

June 1990

I look down the tunnel looking gate that leads  to the airplane and feel a mixture of excitement and nervousness. The new and unknown seems full of possibilities- magical even. I am not aware of anything else but that which I see before me and think of nothing except what my father has been telling me for the past few months, "If anyone asks why you are there tell them that you are just visiting." "Just visiting." I repeat to myself under my breath in the best English I can muster.

I do not know why I need to say that at the time if we aren't visiting. For reasons unknown to me, I have to lie about something that I do not understand. All I know at that moment is that we are going someplace different. The bleak and unknown future from the tunnel like gate stares back at me, daring me to go in and pursue the same dreams my parents were moving towards.

As I stand there gazing into the gate to the plane, I look forward to the unknown that the tunnel-like gate promises, half expecting a great adventure and half doubtful and fearful of the outcomes that are to come. I finally take a step and go into the blissful unknown.

May 1986

Mom hurries me up and tells me to follow Julia out into the car. Her urgent and demanding tone begs for obedience, so I do as I am told. Julia and I get in the car and are excited to be going to Chapultepec. I cannot wait to get on the tricycle and ride around the park and eat the candy and snacks the street vendors sell. I cannot stop myself from thinking about it and wait as mom gets in the car.

Dad jumps into the driver's seat and waits as well. As soon as mom gets into the passenger's seat and closes the door, dad starts driving away. I am daydreaming of the tricycle I am about to hop on and ride when I hear Mom and dad arguing. I do not know what is going on, so I look to Julia. She does not know what is going on. She hugs me and I hug her. We ride in silence until dad parks and says that we have arrived.

We do not know where we are. It is not the place with food vendors or tricycles to ride. The building is completely white and it seems to reach the heavens. Dad and mom guide us to the entrance. We walk towards it and go through the glass doors. A pair of guys with white shirts, tie, and black pants show us around. They take us to a room with plants, trees, and animals painted on the walls that make it look full of life.

They speak as they walk us through the room, but I do not pay attention to what they are saying. My eyes stay on the painted walls that look as though I am in the middle of a vast land filled with all manner of wild life and fauna. The tour guides then has us walk somewhere else.

We enter a movie theater room where we watch a short video. After the video, they take us to a room where a statue of Christ stands in the middle of the room with a starry deep blue sky as the background. Tears fell from my eyes and my chest swells up with a combination of both happiness and love. Mom cries as well and tells the tour guides she is ready for baptism, but they tell her they have to wait and schedule a time for them to visit us at home to teach her some lessons and help her get ready for baptism.

Elders come to our house after that and teach mom and dad. Mom listens and cries almost every time they visit. I pay attention but cannot manage to pay attention for long. My mind wonders too much. We enjoy their visits and spending time with them. Mom feeds them before each lesson they teach. We start going to church with them, and I mimic the older women. I cross my legs and try to pay attention but the mind does what it wants and every attempt to pay attention lasts shorter than the last.

June 1986

Mom and dad decide to get baptized. We arrive at a church where there are several people. We have attended church a few times  there before, but this time mom and dad are dressed in white clothing provided by the church. The first thing we do is sing a song about love at home, and I feel my heart soar.