What Bucky Never Said

Almost

Bucky had been planning to tell Steve for three weeks.

Three weeks of rehearsing the words in his head.

Three weeks of deciding whether I love you sounded too serious, too sudden, too much.

Tonight, he had finally decided.

He was going to tell him.

The Avengers were having dinner together, and Bucky had spent most of the evening gathering enought courage to sit beside Steve.

Eventually, he did.

Steve looked at him and smiled.

"Hey, Buck."

"Hey."

Bucky smiled back.

His heart was beating too fast.

He reached into his pocket and felt the small folded piece of paper he'd written earlier.

He had written everything down because he knew he'd lose his nerve if he tried to say it out loud.

He was waiting for the right moment.

Then Steve spoke.

"You know that girl I told you about?"

Bucky froze.

"Yeah?"

"I asked her out."

The room seemed to get quieter.

Bucky stared at him.

Steve was smiling.

That smile.

The one Bucky had memorized without ever meaning to.

"And?"   Bucky asked.

"She said yes."

Bucky felt the paper insed his pocket.

Suddenly, it felt heavier than his metal arm.

"Thats great." he said.

Steve's smile grew.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"Of course."

Steve put a hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"I knew you'd be happy for me." 

Bucky looked at him.

He wanted to tell him.

He wanted Steve to know that every time he smiled, Bucky forgot what he was going to say.

That every time Steve called him Buck, something inside him twisted.

That somewhere between Brooklyn and everything they'd survived, Bucky had fallen in love with his best friend.

But instead, he smiled.

"I'm happy for you, Steve."

And he was.

That was the worst part.

Steve deserved to be happy.

Even if Bucky couldn't be the reason.

Later that nigth, Bucky stood alone in the hallway.

He pulled the folded paper from his pocket.

He unfolded it.

Four simple words were written across the page.

I think I love you.

Bucky stared at them for a long time.

Then he folded the paper again.

He didn't throw it away.

He simply put it back in his pocket.

Some feelings didn't need to become someone's burden.

The next morning, Steve found him in the kitchen.

"You coming to breakfast?"

Bucky looked up.

"Yeah."

Steve smiled.

"Good."

Bucky followed him.

Just like he always had.

Just like he always would.

Only this time, he knew there was one thing he would never say.

And maybe, someday, that would stop hurting.

But not today.