Line For a Thought

I Remember

I remember a time,

One of not too long ago rhyme

When I cried for my every flaw,

When it hurt my back to sit straight,

When I was Ana's bait

Waiting each day and night to be criticized

Wondering which flaw I would see next

Only communicating to one more by text,

"Why am I so ugly?" I would ask

"Why can't I be skinny and perfect?" I would repeat

Even my ability to feel heat..

Almost every once precious person and thing to me no longer mattered

But I just had to be beautiful, had to be perfect,

Had to be skinny, treating my health with neglect

But then again, what was the point?

The point, the point?! Well..

Had to be beautiful, had to be perfect, had to be skinny but not in hell

Yes, not in hell, just in a world where the outside matters more than the inside

A world where in every corner all you wanted to see was one pretty face after another

Where you are always judged but called sister or brother

Why? Why bother if it isn't real?

Why be so cruel and merciless?

Why be such a reckless mess?

Why suffer for others?

Oh no, time to eat

Oh no, time to face defeat

Time to purge, time to starve, time to cry, when will it be time to be perfect?

Eat, go ahead, you deserve it

No, don't you dare lay a hand on one single bit

But, I'm so hungry

Good, that's how it should be and that's how it should stay

Fine but is it going to be like this day after day?

Am I going to starve and lose weight forever?

Yes it will get you to perfection

Remember, for perfection there is only one direction

I need food though, I'm starving

Good, keep starving

I'll stand here guarding

There is but one way to smile forever

You failure, know that I will always see the dawn

Oh that pain, please be gone

Orange seeps out with some brown here and there

Out my stomach out my mouth, wasted and through another drouth

I was there already, it was no surprise I went deeper into the south

Down the road I looked straight into the eyes of the impossible though, and made it possible

*Btw, that "one more that I communicated to by text" is my friend. She's just really awesome. During that time I kept complaining to her that I ate a lot and that I felt so fat. I wanted to purge and hated myself for it, but @sparklegemflower is the one who I can thank for listening to me.  However, she knows about my PAST ed now, and I asked her to keep it to herself because I was really ashamed of it and didn't want anybody knowing. Today though, I decided to share it because I wanted to spread a message and spread awareness about anorexia. Thankfully I have already recovered and would NEVER wanna go back, but there are still so many others out there suffering from it. In fact, your best friend could be binge eating right now but will purge it all up later. Sadly, so many people die from it, so if you care and wanna make at least the slightest change, DON'T SUPPORT IT! Don't bully, appreciate your body, compliment others when you have the chance to, ignore the haters, and love not only yourself but all of those around you. Yes even your enemies. I don't care how you look or what you think you are, because right now I am saying that you are beautiful and I mean it. I don't just call someone beautiful without actually thinking about what I am saying or if I know that it's not true. But YOU are truly beautiful. Remember that. :-)