~~Young~~

Chapter Twelve

   She was thoughtful for a moment once Sera went silent as she considered everything she had to say. Surely because of how out of character Mama knew Sera’s actions were.

    “That he may be after you isn’t what troubles you the most is it?”

   Sera had to quirk up the corner of her lip, she should have known she would hear what Sera had so poignantly not said, “yeah.”

   “He gets to you, the real you,” she pressed a finger into Sera’s chest, “doesn’t he?”

   Sera nodded.

   “And that’s what worries you, that he will see the real you?”

   Again she nodded.

   “Dear, if he hasn’t gone running away after seeing how much trouble you’re going to be,” she laughed, “then I think he’s in it for the long run.”

   “But that’s the problem.”

   All humor fled Mama’s features, “you need to stop running Sera, don’t you push this one away.”

   “But…” she struggled for words, “but I can’t…” she huffed a breath through her nose, “instead of being able to shut down, when he’s there, I can’t. Twice,” she spat, “twice I lost it in front of him.”

   “And is showing someone you can cry, that you can be hurt, such a terrible thing?”

   “No…but…” Sera began but Mama wouldn’t let her finish.

   “So it’s because he can keep you from retreating into your darkness you have a problem?”

   “No, but…” she started again, but again Mama had other ideas.

   “So let me get this straight, though you say you trust him, to a point,” Mama was quick to add on when it looked like Sera was going to argue, “you can’t trust him with who you really are. And even though you let him in, you don’t want him to see what’s there. And because he can keep your darkness at bay, the one thing you struggle with above all else, you’re afraid to let him get too close?”

   “Yes,” Sera sighed, “in a nutshell yes.”

   Mama stepped into Sera till they were nearly chest to chest, confusion written all over her features, “why?”

   “Because…because it looks weak.”

   And hell knew Sera had never been weak, not in body or mind. Okay, maybe in mind but she did her damned best to keep that to herself. She wouldn’t doubt that the people around her would consider committing her, for her own good of course, if they knew how bad it really was.

   “And hiding inside yourself doesn’t” Mama quirked an eyebrow, “One can’t be strong all the time Sera, even I break down. Ask Billy or Vanessa, they’ve seen me cry too.”

   Sera opened her mouth to speak but only floundered. She had no rebuttal for that.

   Which were most likely Mama’s intentions.

    “Stop being a contradiction to yourself Sera,” Mama placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, “You above anyone else don’t need any more battles to fight, most especially with yourself. Either let him all the way in or push him back out, don’t keep wavering in your choices. Resolve him and your feelings towards him so you can move on,” she smiled in encouragement and ran her hand over Sera’s hair, “I fear what part you will let him have in your life, a monumental choice for anyone else, is the easiest matter you could resolve.”