it wont come out

Prologue: The regular life of Ganlo and Iamwill

Ganlo feels soft, damp, rapid breath over his busty breasts. He looks up, locking eyes with his one true love, Iamwill. Iamwill lies flat on Ganlo's curvy chest, slick with spools of sweat, recovering from their vibrant sexy session full of sex. Iamwill was tired from the sex, for he had done all the work to get Ganlo off.

Ganlo slightly curled up underneath the crushing weight of his bae, and Iamwill noticed.

"Hey, what's wrong babe?" said Iamwill.

"I don't know if you noticed, bu... bu-but it-" Ganlo blurted out.

"It's okay, babe. I know how much you struggle with your erectile dysfunction, and you gotta know that, it's okay if it won't come out." Iamwill carefully consolled.

"Wait, what gender are we?" Ganlo confusingly stated.

"The hell does that matter? Honestly, it's always with you and gender. For once, can't you just be happy with the man you have?" Iamwill screeched.

"The man I'm with is completely useless." bellowed Ganlo.

"Useless? I'm trying to be here for you, in your stupid stupor, with your stupid logic, and that damn stupid smile, and you treat me like lice in the carpet! Just *takes a breath*, I need to spend tonight on my own. Go sleep on the couch. Please, for me - for once."  utters Iamwill, fighting back waves of tears.

*** TIMESKIP ***

Ganlo awakes on the couch, befuzzled by his lack of sleep. But deep within, a primal rumble wrecks his guts, and bile races up his throat. He sprints at his physical limit towards the en suite, not even sparing a look at the confused Iamwill. He pukes everywhere, the toilet 50 different shades of green, and he feels his entire nervous system shattered; a wrecked ship shored on the shore. He stays leaned over the toilet bowl for 7 minutes, the whole time feeling like the personal victim of the sandman.

Iamwill ponders. He's never seen Ganlo ever be sick like this - he has an amazing immune system, he never even got covid, even when Iamwill was stuck at home for months at a time with really bad covid! But then he thinks for a moment, and realises a shocking possibility. What if... Ganlo forgot to take the pill? He stands up to ask Ganlo, but Iamwill's knees weaken under his own weight, his voice cracking, and in the mere shock of having a little one, pisses himself on the floor. That can be solved later though.

"Ganlo? Ganlo, did you... you took the pill, right?"

"But... I thought you were wearing a condom?" Ganlo's face drops.

"Ganlo... did you not... could you not tell? Could you not... feel it, in you?" Iamwill's face burrows.

"Of course, I would feel your alpha doggy style any day."

"... damn. You need to get a pregnancy test, to be safe."

Ganlo gets dressed and heads out, his head pounding more than Iamwill's signature alpha doggy style. Does he want a child? Is he ready for a child? Or is he out of his depth here, 10,000 weskers under the sea? Meanwhile, Iamwill starts thinking of baby names, prepared for the worst - or rather the best - a sign of a new life. He remembers his early days, watching clay animation, and boils the answer down to four options - Wallace, Gromit, Wrong Trousers, or Shaun. Wallace sounded too old, Gromit was a dog, and Iamwill would never name a child after an animal, but Wrong Trousers was even weirder, so at the end he decided the baby would be called Shawn, but to make sure it would never be mistaken for the sheep, he changed the spelling such that the "u" would be replaced by a "w".

*** TIMESKIP ***

Ganlo's piss lurches out of his urethra, spattering all over not only the 50 shades of green, but also a freshly bought pregnancy test. After licking off excess piss, Ganlo realised this was a lollipop stick. Deja vu, he thought, as he kept pissing on it. This happened many times. Finally, to stop acting like a nonce, Ganlo pulls out the real pregnancy test, unleashes the full tidal force of the fountain of youth, and sees two parallel lines.

*** TIMESKIP ***

Ganlo's screeches can be heard through the hospital ward. Iamwill holds his cheek tenderly, while Ganlo goes through unforeseen suffering. The ultrascan prior to this showed the baby was quite old for a baby - being a whole 20 years old. Ganlo, consequently, was very fat for the last 9 months, but still insisted he was slim.

With one final, extreme push, Ganlo opened his logussy and released onto the world the greatest man yet to exist - Shawn Hatosy. He rears his curly haired head up from the operation table and sits up away from his now neglected, barely alive mother, and declares his first words to the world in record time: "My pecs are amazing, my boobie woobies tower over that woman, and my curly hair attracts ecnons from across the world!"