Toujours | LenaMiu

Chapter 1

The first time Lena Lorena Lalina Schuett realised she was, in some quiet and inconvenient way, in love with Miu Natsha Taechamongkalapiwat, or crushes, Lena corrected herself, because love felt far too serious a word for something she barely understood then, she convinced herself it was temporary.

People developed feelings all the time. They fell for acquaintances, for friends, for strangers they had only just met. Whatever she and Miu were at the time, Lena was certain her feelings belonged somewhere in that broad, harmless category.

Though, admittedly it was never a harmless category at all, but a trap in disguise. The universal kind.

It seemed rather unfair, honestly. Lena had fallen into it with embarrassing ease. Nevertheless, she often reminded herself that she was no extraordinary individual, no tragic heroine uniquely afflicted by fate. She was simply another victim of humanity's remarkable tendency to make life unnecessarily complicated over a thing called feelings.

Feelings, everyone seemed to have an opinion about them. Smart people ignored them. Mature people moved on. Sensible people recognised them for what they were and refused to let them dictate the course of their lives.

Lena was about all that smart, mature and sensible. Unfortunately, all three qualities seemed to crumble in Miu's presence. Not spectacularly, or all at once. Just a little more each time Miu smiled.

She often found herself chuckling at the absurdity of it all. Humanity had survived wars, economic collapses, and countless other disasters, yet somehow a smile from Miu was enough to send feelings burrowing deep beneath Lena's ribs, where they quietly took root and grew around every part of her life until she could no longer remember what it felt like to exist without them.

Feelings; helplessly, tragically, and completely poured into Miu freaking Natsha Taechamongkalapiwat, of all people.

Miu -this time no freaking- Natsha Taechamongkalapiwat, a girl. A younger girl, practically a kid when Lena first met her, at least according to Lena's deeply biased recollection of events. Two years younger than her, a fact Lena remembered with remarkable consistency whenever she needed a reason to be annoyed.

Miu who had the sort of face that inspired poetry from people who had no business writing poetry. Doll-like eyes, impossibly expressive and unfairly beautiful, paired with a smile capable of reducing rational thought to rubble.

Boys, and occasionally girls, hovered around Miu with remarkable consistency. The girls, tended to be less aggressive about it, though Lena suspected that had more to do with social etiquette than a lack of interest.

Some admirers came and went. Some lingered longer. Some seemed determined to wage entire campaigns for the privilege of occupying Miu's attention for more than five uninterrupted minutes. None of them ever appeared particularly successful.

Not for lack of trying, flowers were sent, invitations extended. Thinly veiled flirting disguised as casual conversation occurred with alarming regularity. Yet Miu accepted all of it with the same easy smile and continued on with her day as though people were not routinely losing their minds over her.

Miu never seemed to care about half of it, or perhaps she noticed and simply had better things to do. Either way, Lena found it faintly irritating. Mind you, irritating. Not infuriating. Not jealousy-inducing. Certainly not enough to qualify as jealousy in any shape or form.

Lena was, after all, a reasonable person. A reasonable person who merely happened to feel a peculiar sense of dissatisfaction whenever someone looked at Miu for a second too long. Perhaps because, every time it happened, Lena caught a glimpse of herself in them.