Remembering Limbo

Into a new abyss

My name. My name. What was my name? What is my name? What is a name?

Do I need one? No, not necessarily. Should I have one? Yes, I think so. Then what is it? I don't think I can answer that just yet. Nothing is wrong yet. No, something isn't right; but, nothing is wrong. But, my name; I want to know what it is. I want it back now that it is gone. It feels like someone stole it from me. But people can't steal names. Only things like money and toys and things. No more questions, I'm too tired to think... right now.

I opened my eyes again to the empty white room; not like I was expecting anything different, but it was disappointing either way. Everything stung; but, I think that was my fault.

"Angel." My voice came out as a whisper. "Angel." My voice came out distorted and scratchy when I tried to yell. Water, I needed some water. "Angel. Help me." Where'd Angel go? "Angel!" I cried for him but he wouldn't come. What if something bad happened to him? I began to cry

as I thought of the worst things that could have happened to him. What if he's gone? What if he forgot about me? What am I going to do?

Soon no more tears would come for some reason but I wanted to keep crying. I needed to keep crying. My vision kept on blurring and I let it. At some point I stopped blinking those tears away and let them do what they wanted.

They collected, they fell, they welled, and they fell. I was nothing but tears. Defined only by pain and tears. Contained by white. I couldn't remember anything but Angel. Angel and this ugly white room was all I knew. If they mirror ever forgot, I would soon forget what I looked like as well.

The lady in the black dress would visit me periodically. Sometimes she would just stare at me, then leave. Once she stepped out- I couldn't remember much of that visit in particular. I may have been imagining it. People didn't step out of mirrors. That was just absurd.

"Join us." A feral sound whisked through the room. The lady in the mirror was not present and the voice sounded nothing as she did. It like 5 different voices speaking out of turn. Both effeminate and masculine and something entirely inhuman.

"No thank you. I have to wait for Angel." I replied distantly. My blunt nails scratched against the wall on their own.

"Your angel has left you." It squealed out.

"Where is he then? Since you know so much." Was that my voice? It sounded so blank.

"Hell. Or the third heaven if you prefer it." The voices were coming from the mirror grinning at me. The glass had turned black everywhere except for two small shapes in the center which formed smiling lips.

"A third heaven? Can I follow?"

"You can join us. You should join us."

"What if I choose not to?"

"You will join."

My nails abruptly stopped in their scratching and I looked up at it blearily.

When was the last time I had read? The letters seemed foreign but they must have been something I'd seen before. Strange markings maimed the white wall like bruises on my colorless skin. It's strange that I didn't notice before but my bruises looked just like those foreign symbols. They were identical. They were elegant and worthy of awe; strangely enough I appreciated my ugly scars which I had scorned nearly forever. Contempt turned to content because those strange markings gave my being meaning and I bore it on the surface-ugly with and ugly without.

The glass lips smiled at me surreptitiously-as if it knew more than I could ever know.

"Join us!" The voices hissed and clamored. "Begone, belong! Belong belong! Forget existing now. Conform, confide! We are Lost. We are unloved. We are Limbo. " The lips stayed stuck on the 'o' and expanded. The room warped-surging inwards before violently deflecting outwards as the black edges of the mirror engulfed it and destroyed all matter.

The mirror I had known for so long had swallowed me whole without even having to move me from my eternal perch on the blank floor. I nearly cried- for what I did not know. Or rather it was for the things I did know. The last particles of my connection to anything had been settled. Washed out to sea as easily as any piece of trash and I was left with an even smaller nothing than I owned before.

I could not see. I strained my eyes against the eternal darkness and strained my ears before the endless silence until they filled themselves with my imagination.

Color bled from my eyes and music creeped out my ears. A new blackness infested me. Somehow it filled me but I needed more. I needed something back. I was forgetting everything and I was so overwhelmed and afraid that if I forgot anymore I would cease to exist. I would die here. Alone.