After the First Yes

PROLOGUE

**Before the First Yes**

The chapel is silent...  Only the gentle flame of the tabernacle lamp gives hope in the darkness.

Sister Rina is sitting alone in the last pew, her hands resting quietly on her lap, her eyes is fix on the golden tabernacle.

It's almost midnight, the convent has long since fallen asleep. She had been there for almost an hour, yet not a single prayer had escaped her lips.

"..."

Nothing.

Not because she has nothing to say, but because she doesn't  know how to begin. She had whispered His name thousands of times before..

'Jesus.'

But tonight... the name is not reaching her lips.

She lower her head, "When did I become so quiet?"

Her voice barely disturbed the silence. She remembered another night years ago. She was 21.

The chapel looks exactly the same, same tabernacle, crucifix, scent of old wood and candle wax. But her heart...

Her heart had been different. She had just professed her first vows. She remembered kneeling before the altar, convinced that nothing in the world could ever make her happier than belonging completely to Christ.

Back then, every assignment felt like an adventure. Every sacrifice carried joy, every inconvenience became another opportunity to love.

She never counted the cost and she simply kept saying yes.

Years passed.

The rhythm of religious life didn't changed, the bell still rang before dawn. She still pray the Liturgy of the Hours,  still teaching children,  still visiting the sick, she still laugh with her sisters during recreation and she still kiss the crucifix before sleeping.

To everyone else... she is still the same Sister Rina. Who is faithful, gentle and dependable.

But somewhere between lesson plans, apostolates, community meetings, hospital visits, and endless responsibilities... something inside her had grown painfully quiet.

Not her vocation not even her love for God.

Only...herself.

A tear escaped down her cheeks and she still managed to laugh softly before wiping it away...

"Really?" She smiled through her tears. "I'm crying in front of You now?" Another tear followed. "I don't even know why." sighed

She wasn't angry with God, she wasn't tempted by another life, she wasn't questioning whether He existed.

She simply felt... Empty.

And that frightened her. Because she knew all the answers. She read books, she always listen to conferences, she had accompanied young women through their own seasons of spiritual dryness, she knew that faith was deeper than feelings, she really knew love was a decision before it was an emotion, and she knows that consolation comes and goes, she knew all of it of course.

But knowing the road... is very different from walking it.

Her phone vibrated inside the pocket of her habit.

She frowned... At this hour?

She answered immediately, "Mama?"

The voice on the other end trembled, "Rina... anak"

Silence.

Then... "Na-collapse na naman si Papa mo."

The world stopped, the chapel remained still, the tabernacle remained silent, but something inside her broke.