Hinterland

Introduction

I always think of how my little self would feel l if she knew the kind of relationship I have now with my parents. I don't really know when things changed. When I was little I always told my parents everything, they were my bestfriends, but as I got older, arguments and shouting became the usual.

"I can't wait to be 18 and leave this house!" I screamed at my dad.

"Well that's great news because I can't wait either,"he screamed back, his face getting redder every second.

Those words really hit me. Not just because of what he had said, but because of the way he had said it. It seemed real, like he meant what he had said. My grandma was a wise woman, and she had given me an advice when I was little that had stuck with me forever.

"Now listen to me Katie, always remember this: What people say when they are enraged is what they have always wanted to tell you. When someone is mad or drunk is when there true selves comes out. So there words might hurt, and they will try repent afterwards telling you they were just saying that out of anger, but thats the reason why you should not forget the words they said when they were mad," she spoked softly.

For some reason my dad had always had some hatred towards me; he had always said that I was too mean with my brother and looked at me with disgust when we were just fighting like all siblings do, and most of the times it wasn't even my fault.

On the other hand my mom had always been more protective of me but as the years passed by she had also begin to dislike me. However, both of them were quite unpredictable as there where times where they looked like they actually loved me.

Home is not the place where it seems like I'm not wanted; I can't seem to fit in anywhere I go. Growing up surrounded by girls who only seeked male attention and popularity you come across fake friendships that completely drain your social battery and make you wonder if you'll ever find your place.

I do have three friends in particular for which I'm grateful and make me wonder why the rest of the world can't be like them. Although, there have been times where I have wondered if my friendship means to them what theirs means to me. That's why even if I do love them as if they were my sisters, I do feel like they are not my people.

Sometimes I go to bed and close my eyes just to dream about meeting someone who I can finally open up to, someone I can talk to about my family issues or my fear of dying alone. My person.