chapter 16

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When i got to to the gym Alex was over in the corner doing some dancing. He looked really comfortable. I admired his moves. Not bad and that's coming from a cheerleader.

I felt self conscious knowing Liam was just an eye distance away. Stupid right? 

"Harley!!!" Alex screamed funning to me with a big hug."

"Harley." Liam said behind me sounding calm.

~~~

"5, 6, 7, 8..." I yelled as the song senorita by Justin Timberlake came on. Me and Alex began to dance. He twirled me around and around. I jumped up and fell face down to the floor.

"Oh my god Harley im so sorry." Alex said helping me up.

"its ok." I promised him holding my nose. Someone picked me up and spin me around. Liam.

He pulled me away from the crew

"Are you ok?" he asked looking at my nose

"fine." I said honestly.

"i'm sorry." he said looking me in the eyes.

"there's nothing to be sorry for." I said walking away.

"Ok I know some more routines my squad rejected." I said

"wait rejection dances, no way, not going to happen." Alex said.

"shut it bully." I teased and turned on some music.

"Hate me today......hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do to you...."

The music blared and I danced slowly to the beat. I swirled and lifted my left foot up taking a long big jump. When the beat got more up I popped my hips side to side and bent down to my knees and began sliding around and when the song finally finished I hit the floor with my palms.

"Ok that was amazing!" amber shouted over.

I smiled. and started to reply the song.

"Hate Me"

by blue october

(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)

(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

[Children voices:]
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can't believe you actually picked me

[Girl:] Hey Justin! [x12]

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