Stuck At The 9th Step

LAST CHAPTER : SHINN ACE ASLEJO

"How did you know?"

She rolled her eyes on me. "We still communicate. Ikaw lang naman ang tumigil sa pagtawag sa kanya. And have you become in an idiot? Do you think Rhea would have a heart to ignore you like the way you managed to forget her-"

"Hey, I didn't. That accusatory-"

"But you wanted, you've tried it and you're still trying. Where did your braincells go? You even call yourself a genius." She crossed her arms. "Well, you are. But you've been acting like a brat for a year. Grow up. Ang gusto mo pa ata ay si Rhea ang mag-initiate na kumustahin ka. Remember, Shinn, ikaw ang may atraso sa kanya. Have you lost your guts?"

Sometimes, I regret that I've let her get into me. Anne could be nosy in certain times, just like today.

"I did not, Anne. Why are you suddenly being grumpy?" Oh, women. Such a pain in the neck.

"She's your friend, right? A dear one. Tinapon mo na lang ba lahat ng pakialam mo sa kanya?"

That's another 'no.' Let's just say that I had my share of mistakes. I cared and I guess, I've cared too much that I ended up hurting her, too. That scene on the beach. . .damn, it was sickening. That was the first time I've seen a girl down on her knees, begging in front of me. It wasn't wrong to show my concern as her friend but it was wrong to go that far. That was when I realized how callous and heartless I had been. The realizations comes late. My desire to destroy the man who puts her on state of depression destroys her, too. How fucking worse am I?

My guts had escaped me that time. I couldn't even call her brothers. Even at the last seconds that I had, I didn't confess what I've done. I had to wait for a few days before I gained the strength to face her again. I went straight to their house.

"Shinn. . ." She looked surprise that I showed up. I couldn't help but stare at her face. She doesn't look depress, but she doesn't look fine either. I wanted to ask but I hold it. We have more important things to discuss.

"I'm here to apologize for what happened last time." My throat had dried. I was out of words for a few seconds. I closed my eyes.

"I don't regret anything." Or maybe I regret everything. I just couldn't admit it to her or to anyone. Worse sad effects of being too proud of one self. I closed my eyes in disgust.

"But I didn't mean to make you cry. After what happened in the island, I felt like I was the biggest asshole that could destroy you in a glimpse when my only intention is to protect you from him. I knew from the very beginning that I'm no good as a friend but I was caught off guard and I totally forgot to protect you from myself."

I was pacing the floor and couldn't look at her. Damn it. I am far from being like this. I hate too much drama but the fucking drama inserted itself in my life and give me a taste of its vengeance. How great is that? I'm just a little grateful that I didn't lose all the humor.

"It's okay, Shinn. I forgive you. Okay na ako." I looked back at her and she was smiling. A fake one. I sighed. There was nothing I could do about that. In the first place, I had my own faults. I was the one who convince her to go back, remember? And it's too late to regret for that. "You should go back to US."

I stiffened. I felt like I was being rejected. But the idea sinks thoroughly in my mind. I got her point. It's for the good, I guess. So, I nod in agreement. I have to stay away from her before I lost my mind. I might do worse. She must be really worried because she knew what I'm capable of. "Staying here is a bad idea."

"But I'm grateful." Again, I froze. She was grateful after what putting her on- Oh, I don't want to think about it. I closed my eyes as say the words, the word which rarely comes out of my lips.