Soft Damage

Chapter One ~ OPEN DAY

Music Rec: Boyfriend by Dove Cameron

Aleyah (Allie)

The University looked prettier in the summer.

Maybe that was the trick of Open days. Royal Holloway dressed itself up for strangers; freshly cut grass and flower beds in bloom, student ambassadors plastering slightly overkill smiles like costumes and music blasting from somewhere near the courtyard as if the campus was trying to convince teenagers their lives would finally begin here.

I mean it worked on me.
I don't even think I even started living before I came here.

~

Allie stood on the library steps, rolling a cold Diet Coke between her palms before opening it. The hiss cut through the noise of campus as she chugged it down with ease.

"Thirty seconds flat," Reina said beside her. "New fucking record! Diet Coke fiend behaviour. First years don't stand a chance."

"Diet Coke sponsor me," Allie joked.

Reina's phone buzzed. She glanced at it briefly.

"Kate says she's five minutes away" she said, grinning. "With a crate of DC in her boot for her gorgeous girlfriend,"

Allie just smiled faintly, the automatic kind that kept conversations alive without needing to participate in them.

She'd barely slept the night before. Her body felt hollowed out in that familiar, buzzing way she would never admit to. Too much caffeine, not enough food, too many racing thoughts that wouldn't settle.

Around them, crowds moved in big boisterous clusters; parents carrying tote bags, nervous sixth formers pretending not to feel small in amongst giant buildings and the overheated campus tour guides walking backwards, reciting facts they'd only memorised this morning.

Allie remembered doing the same thing last year.
Trying to act like she wasn't terrified.

Reina kept talking, but Allie drifted into her mind.

Just a simple laugh snapped Allie right back into reality.

At first it didn't register properly, like it was her brain playing mind games.
She grimaced, wishing it was as her eyes locked on a figure cutting through the crowd.

Dark cargo jorts. Grey hoodie despite the heat. Rings glinting against the strap of a black bag.

Familiar in a way her body recognised before her brain could catch up.

Then the girl tilted her head back, laughing at something someone said beside her.
Allie's blood went cold.

Jade.

There are some people your eyes still search for automatically, even after you spent years trying to forget them.

After all this time, Jade still walked exactly the same. Shoulders slightly forward. Hands buried in her pockets. Like she was apologising for taking up space.

Allie stopped hearing Reina mid-sentence. The music, the chatter, everything.
Gone.

All of it blurred into nothing beneath the roaring in her ears.

Because Jade Mallory was here.

Not in memory.
Not buried in old photos.
Not existing only in the parts of Allie she tried hardest not to revisit at three in the morning.

Here.
Standing right here, like nothing had changed at all.

~

Before she could stop herself, she instinctively took a step forward.

And then, arms snaked around her waist from behind.

Warm.
Unexpected.

Allie physically jolted.

"There's my girl,"
Katy's voice.

An overpowering scent of Dior Sauvage flooded Allies senses as Kate pressed her lips against hers, fingers hooking possessively into the belt loop of her shorts.

Reina let out a low whistle. "Jesus Christ, subtle."

Kate laughed, though she didn't loosen her grip. "Traffic was grim and had to keep checking in on your precious cargo  so it wouldn't go flat".

Allie forced herself to peel her eyes away from Jade and gave herself a second to process what Kate had just said.

"Thought you were five minutes away."

"I drove fast." Kate grinned proudly before lifting the crate of Diet Coke slightly. "See? True love."

Allie laughed.
It didn't feel right. Not fully.
Because her eyes had already found themselves back to Jade.

She didn't know if Jade had seen.
A small, ugly part of her hoped she did.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Jade

Jade knew before she looked directly at her.

Some things your body memorises against your will.

The smile.
The posture.
The silver necklace she used to play with when she was nervous.

Her eyes found her automatically across the courtyard before her pride had the chance to stop them.

And fuck.

Allie looked older.

Not in a bad way.
Just different.

Her hair was longer, dark waves falling down to her ribs.
Face sharper than she remembered, like time had smoothed and cut her at the same time.

But what hit Jade wasn't that. Her chest went still.
It was the thinness.

Her collarbones sitting far too visible beneath her top. Wrists smaller than Jade remembered holding. Even her breasts that she used to flaunt, had now became practically non existent.

Guilt hit Jade so fast it almost winded her.
For a second, she nearly let herself think about it.

About where Allie had been these past two years, whether she was okay, whether what happened two years ago really did leave a mark.

Whether this was all her fault.

Then, movement.

A girl stepping in behind Allie. Arms wrapping around her waist like it was natural, a regular occurrence.
It felt like Jade's lungs gave out.

A kiss came next.
Easy. Familiar. Public in a way Jade couldn't ignore even if she tried.

Girlfriend.

Of course she had a fucking girlfriend.

Something twisted low in Jades stomach.
Not jealousy.
Nothing as simple as jealousy.

More like grief.

Like seeing somebody else living inside a life you once thought would always have a space for you in it.

Then Allie looked over again, her lip liner smudged ever so slightly.

The worst part was Jade still knew exactly what every expression on her face meant.