My Phoenix Heart 🤍

Chapter 1: Runner

Happy Australia Day!
It's been 8 years since I left home.
It's a very hot and a mucky morning here in Queensland.

I took a big sigh as I sip on my scorching cup of coffee just before leaving for work.
Another day, another dollar!

I head to work.
I work as a nurse practitioner in one of the biggest aged care facility in north Qld Australia.
I can't complain.
I earn well. I was able to build my family and myself investments and properties back home.
I did it. I fucking did it. My inner goddess yelling at me.

"Freya! Ive sent you a list of all the residents you need to review today. Do you have time to squeeze in changing Mr. Wales IDC?" One of the RNs whose name I cant remember asked me.

"Sure. No worries." I replied.

"As always, you're the best" she replied.

My day as an NP went as per usual.
I worked from 7AM till 5PM. Every. Day.
I don't work weekends. That's my me time.
Wait. What's a me-time anyway?
5PM: Time to go home! I said to myself and my colleagues. Im gonna escape now. I joked.

******

"So what's your plan? Are you gonna visit home on the easter holidays?" glenn asked via facetime

"I don't know yet" I quizically replied.
I have no reason to go home I guess. I thought to myself.

"My whole family is here with me Glenn. This is my home now." i added

"Sel, Des and I are going home in 3 months for easter. You gotta come home man. Its been 8 years." She sadly responded

"I know. But you know the reason why I ran away."

Yes. I escaped.
Jo.
Johnson.
And. .

Zeus. My ex-fiancé.

I left them all behind me. This is what I'm good at.
Running away.

I wanted a fresh start.
I wanted a new life.
I needed an escape.
I needed to break the cycle.
To break the curse.

Glenn and I continued talking on facetime until we ran out of topic.
I eventually agreed on going home for 2 weeks.
I made an excuse that work won't allow me to go away for a month.
This made my besties happy. We never lost contact. We remained in touch with one another.
Glen in Canada. Sel is in middle east and Des is in Amsterdam.
We all became successful in life.

***
8 years ago.

We are at Jo's place.

Jo said goodbye to me and said he will be back tomorrow.
My eyes were so swollen from crying last night.

"I forgot i have still some few stuff i had to bring with me from home but I'll head back tomorrow. You can crash here and wait for me. You don't have to go back home. No malice. I'm here if you need to hide from you fiancé Freya." He solemnly said

I honestly dont wanna see the bastard so I will fucking hide from him as long as I can.
This is the only place I know he will never find me.

"Ok. I will wait for you. What time will you be back?" I asked

He smiled sincerely.

"Around after lunch tomorrow I should be here." He responded quickly then went to give me quick kiss on my forehead but i stepped back he then release a big sigh, a polite smile then turned his back around. Before I know it he has driven off. Were only friends now. I don't want to give Jo some false hope. Plus he is still technically married. So what Am I? A mistress.
I immediately erased tha thought in my brain.

I scanned my sorroundings and it felt alien without Jo.

I called Jude and asked has my ex-fiancé contacted him since I didn't go back to our unit yesterday.
Jude said no. He has not heard from the bastard.

I felt relieved.
I honestly have no words to tell him.

As I was staring in the middle of nowhere. My phone rang.
It's Dad.
I got up from Jo's bed and answered.

"Dad?"

"Freya. Pack your things darling. I've got all your australian visa! I have booked your flights. You're flying here to Austrlia on Friday!" He almost yelled out of happiness.

I was dumbfounded. I should be happy right?
Everyone is dreaming to live abroad.
I got it so easily. And yet..
And yet.

"Hey, Freya. Are you still there??" My dad asked

"Yahh. Im here.  Does mom and Deya know??" I asked back

"Yes. They are both very excited. Look Freya. I know you and Zeus are planning to get married soon. While you guys are figuring out the days and preparations for your big day, come over here and see Australia for yourself. You might want to settle here for good darling." He explained

If only you knew. There's no more us Dad.
No more. It is was too good to be true.
How can I explain to my family and friends that engagement has been cancelled. How??
I'll cross the bridge when I get there I scolded myself.

"That's not a bad idea. Let me just cancel my post grad application at the hospital and I'll head home and pack my bags. I'll see you soon dad." I said goodbye to my father.

I guess this is the answer to my prayers.
An escape. A very far escape.

I prepared myself.
I looked for a note and wrote Jo a letter.
I explained how thankful I am for his presence whilst I go thru Zeus and I's rough patch.
I'll always be thankful for him and he will always have a special place to my heart, as a friend.
The memories we had will be forever be engraved in my soul.
I left the letter on the bench and left.

I cancelled my postgrad application at the hospital.
I did not have to go to the hospital.
I just simply sent thr nurse manager an email with apologies. I did not wait for a respond.
I dont need it.
Im leaving this country and I know Im leaving for good.

****

Day of our flight.

I'm feeling giddy.
The breeze outside the international airport felt so cold.
I scanned my sorroundings.
I was silently saying goodbye to everything in this place.
Before we got to the airport.
I texted all my friends.
Jude was crying but he was very happy and told me he no longer can protect me.
He joked around saying my forever might be a caucasian.
It was really funny.

I will miss everything here.
I will miss him.

I just realized. Maybe nothing was working out for me in this country was because I am meant to thrive to another one. Maybe?

*****