Maybe This Time // Hayes Grier

chapter 17

"Friends it is," he smiles. I return the gesture.

Later that night I walk back to my dorm, across campus, alone. I rethink the entire thing with Tyler in my head on my walk back.

Friends. That's all it is and all it will be. That's all I want it to be and Hayes can't get upset about that. That would be preposterous of him to get upset and I actually don't think I could ever handle a guy that wouldn't let me be friends with another guy. But honestly, I do see where he could get upset at the fact that I walked over to his dorm to tell Tyler that I missed him and at the same time said I don't have a boyfriend, which sounds like I was available for him, which I'm not. I consider Hayes mine, even if he doesn't consider me his.

Now that I think of it: I walked half a mile to Tyler's campus to tell him I want to be friends. I literally walked over to my ex boyfriends campus to tell him I want to be friends. I could have done that over the phone for gods sake.

"Did I really just..." I whisper to myself with no one in a 50 foot radius of me. "Aw maaan," I whine.

***

I always sleep with my phone plugged into my charger, under my pillow. Usually people don't call me at 7:30 in my morning, but today someone did. So I answered Nash's call.

"Hello?" I whisper trying my hardest not to wake my very light sleeper of a roommate.

"Hayes is going on a trip with you for the entire summer?"

"Nice to talk to you too," I rub my eyes.

"Hi. Wow. So nice to hear your voice. Hope I didn't wake you. Actually, I sing care." He sounds mean, hostile even like I really did something that upset him. I don't get how Hayes coming with me on his own free-will could upset Nash, but it did.

"May I help you?"

"Why would you do this to him?"

"Do what?" I raise my voice to a normal speaking tone now, "Nash, what could I have possibly done that could upset you or Hayes?"

"Bradie," he sighs and I think calms. "You're leaving in 5 months for New York. You would really spend three months with my brother and then leave for New York? He's not going to follow you there and this isn't going to be some fairy tale. It's reality and he's staying in Georgia."

I don't say anything, I don't even make a sound, I just push end. I close my eyes again and lay my head back onto my pillow and try to fall back asleep.

I thought I was doing him a favor, I thought this would be amazing for the both of us. I thought it would be fun and incredible to be able to explore together and fall asleep together every night. Of course I thought about afterwards but not really in the sense of me going back to New York and him not coming.

Later on that day I had gone to one class already. I had memorized Hayes Wednesday schedule and called him right after his second class ended.

"Hey B," he answers. I smile sense I haven't heard his voice in two days. It's such a comforting sound.

"Hey," I sigh my words.

"Everything okay?"

I sit down at the nearest bench so I don't actually faint from my thoughts that are overwhelming and controlling. I know I'm not thinking this threw but it will kill him even more if we keep making trips to see each other when it won't work. Nothing will ever work. "Hayes I can't do this anymore."

"What? B, are you okay? What's going on?" he rushes but no matter what he says it won't change the fact that I am going to New York.

"But I don't know if I'm ready to loose you just yet. Well, for a fact, I know I'm not ready to loose you. But after this trip we will be so close and then I'll leave and it will brake me into a billion pieces to have to leave you. So this should really just end now. So I can brake into only a million pieces." I let a silent tear roll down my cheek and I can feel myself shaking and the phone rattling up against my ear.

"B! Okay listen to me-"

I stop him. "No, Hayes. I gotta go now. Goodbye."

"Bradie!"
I end the call and fold my hands into my lap. I slowly place my phone next to me. Everything is moving in slow motion it seams. I stare at my hands and feel my phone vibrate next to me, but I watch a tear hit my knuckle.