March 18th, It's 19:51pm I'm on a plane for my connection to Argentina in the middle of the sunset, "For Joy" from Tony VR playing on the back and a hot blonde girl on my side...
And I'm here thinking.. what's the whole point? I feel so numbed today but still, it's a weird kind of numbness because I'm still taking myself to the edge and breaking my own limits.
For the 1st time I'm living without the feeling of "I'll wait until I feel complete to do it" I DO have expectations regarding my music career, about myself, about others...But, this afternoon I feel that something's are not meant to be planned. Not even myself, my music career or others, some things are perfect with the imperfections of being... just existing.
After several attempts of failed perfection about my music career, myself and others, something inside myself broke apart for good. My perfection and desire of control became compulsive, obsessive and my own cancer.
This cancer was affecting my music career, myself and others, Drowning on unrealistic expectations led to a different type of loneliness, one that burns every part of tenderness inside you and leaves you with deep wounds that would never heal, on a dark black corner on your room (oh baby I lived there for so long that it sound so familiar it's romantic) but even tho, was my most romantic moment, I learned to judge myself in silence.
Big is the silence outside, dead room, no motion... but oh baby you should've hear the inside... bleeding in silent screming torture I think must be the ultimate form of violence.
And finally after that break, I made peace with that demonic possession called SELF JUDGEMENT. And today in this plane, I realice a new feeling inside me...one that I haven't felt in 14 years...
"Welcome to life again" they said...
... yes, them.
