Dreams

What

I'm standing there, looking at what could be my future, looking at what my past was, wondering why I'm not there and I'm stuck here without an exit. Am I not doing enough? Do I even try? There's no way out, it doesn't depend on me, I try and try and try and I'm still here.
Can you please give me a chance? I need to do more, I'm disappointing myself along the way and I don't have much time left, please, please, please, let me prove my worth, let me grow and move on. But at the end it doesn't depend on you either, it always falls on me.

"Work hard" I tell myself.
"Work harder" I tell myself again.

Run, sprint, jump, shoot, charge, be patient, look.
Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Will I ever get to where I want to be? Will I ever be good enough?
I'm not a quitter, I've never been a quitter. Even when life threw me to the deepest canyon and I had to climb my way up, for years, and up until now, I'm still climbing. It gets easier but there's always another rock I don't know how to grab. I fall and climb back up, am I even moving? Can I get to the top?

"Don't give up" I tell myself.
"Be patient" I tell myself over and over again.

Oh, how patient I've been lately, I'm surprising myself. I keep a smile on my face and I don't even understand how, but rage it's getting to me, is that what I need?

I've always been so calm and quiet, rage has never been a part of me, but I need it now, more than ever. I need my pride and hunger, I need to win the battle against myself and others. I used settle down because I believe what happens is supposed to happen, but it doesn't feel like that now, I'm not going to settle for something I'm not okay with.

"Keep going" I tell myself.
"Try harder" I tell myself again.

There are so many distractions, tasks and responsibilities, can I even do this the right way? Can I? How much harder do I try? Can I keep climbing? Can I get to the top? Can I? Can I be who I want to be? Who do I even want to be? I want to be a winner and that's all I know, I want to be at least one of the best, not the best of the worst.