This may contain grammatical errors‼️
___________________________°___________________________
Kei, my love.
Being with him used to be one of my daily needs, we had loved each other since college and now married but then we suddenly fell out of love or I must say 'he' fell out of love.
Our marriage was beautiful at first, we love each other every day and we never sleep until we fix our problem. It changed when reality suddenly hits us, we became busy with our own careers—so busy that we forgot that we're married.
He never comes home, at first I tried to understand him. One day while on my way to the hospital I met his coworker and there I was told that he was being sweet to his female coworker and that he might be cheating on me.
The pain stings.
It's not impossible for him to do that. Is that the reason why he never comes home?
I still managed to enter the hospital. I was here because I was feeling something. Pain all over my body, at first I thought it's just exhaustion from work but today I found out that it wasn't. It's a disease that could end my life.
It hurts.
Everything was falling apart, my life and love was taken away from me. Every day was hard, I woke up with swollen eyes and I don't have any motivation to move and work. This continues for days until it turned into months and because of that I was fired from work.
At some point I learned how to accept my fate, I enjoyed every day and I did the things I couldn't do before.
It was fun.
Until I i noticed that I was feeling weak each day. I'm not taking any medications because I already accepted the fact that there was no reason for me to continue living. But then he came back.
He sleeps in our house but he's not approaching me. I'm happy that he came back, I never stopped loving him and I still think about him before I sleep.
Soon he noticed that I was feeling weak and that's when he finally approached me. He asked why I was always at home and why I looked weak. I made many excuses, I don't want to say my condition—I fear that he might stay out of pity and I don't want that, as much as I want him to stay, I want him to stay because he wants to and not forced to.
One day he asked me why I'm not angry at him and why I chose to act normally.
I told him the real reason. I said it's because I love him.
"l would be lying to myself if I said I hate you. I don't know why I still love you but that's what I just feel and instead of hating you during the time you're away, I was continuing to love and care for you."
It's not his fault that he had fallen in love with another person, he just found someone who truly deserves the love he can give. But sadly it wasn't me but I knew who deserves my love—it was him.
Days after saying that I noticed that he was starting to care about me, he asks about my health and how do I feel. At first I thought it he was just doing it out of pity but it now feels real. This was the feeling I longed for.
Each day feels special, we're like newlyweds but each day I feel weaker.
One day I wasn't feeling good and I was alone that time so I decided to write some letters.
Letters for him.
[My love,
Thank you for staying, thank you for taking care of me and thank you for loving me. I love you even though I was hurt and I'll still love you even though you don't love me back. I did not regret marrying you, if I turned back time I'll still choose to marry you.
It's nice to experience this kind of love, it's beautiful at first then painful and lastly it was meaningful.
I'll be honest now. I've been diagnosed with a severe disease and I know my life was soon to end. I'm not taking any medications because I have already accepted the fact that this was my fate. But having you now gives me second thoughts, I should have taken medications and find a reason to stay but the world is too cruel to let me realize that sooner.
I'm happy that I could spend the rest of my remaining days with you. Sadly we didn't fight for our love and now we no longer have the chance to fight back.
Our story ends now.
Love who you want to love, feel free to do anything you want. Life is short so enjoy it to the fullest.
From: the woman who will love you eternally ]
As I was writing that I could no longer hold back my tears, it was running down my cheeks like it has no end.
I put the letter in a box and placed it on my drawer.
I hope he finds this during that time.
The next day my head was throbbing in pain and before I knew it I woke up in a hospital bed.
I feel weak and my eyes were so heavy. I'm in a vulnerable state.
The room was quiet. The only sound I was hearing was the machines and my heartbeat.
Is this the end? The memories we've built together were flashing through my head. It was beautiful yet painful. I wish I didn't give up. I wish I told him how hurt I was and express my anger. But I knew for myself that even if I was taken back in time I still wouldn't do it. Because before he even says sorry I already had forgiven him. I love him so much and I don't even know why I still do.
Maybe because of the feeling that lingers inside me. The how we used to be. He treated me so well before and that was all I was seeing when he was hurting me.
The door suddenly creeks open that interrupts my thoughts. The man i have loved so much enters the quiet room. He walks towards me and the nearer he came the clearer I see. I saw his eyes, it's red and swollen as if he was crying nonstop. His lips were trembling and his hands do the same.
He's standing in front of me now. His eyes looking at me. The guilt, sadness and regret it was all evident in his beautiful eyes.
He asked, "Why... Why didn't you say it to me?" Tears forming in his eyes and his voice was gentle and weak.
I couldn't speak.
"In the past I was hating you... For giving all of your attention to your career and for forgetting that you had a husband that also wants your attention and love... I know it's my fault too. I couldn't go home because I can't stand seeing you facing your laptop all day and answering calls from your bosses...and so I drowned myself with work too...We lost time for each other. But I still love you, Stesia." His eyes were flooding with tears. It was falling down his face continuously. And so did I.
I remembered the days where my career was the only thing that was important to me. But that doesn't mean he wasn't. Every night after I finish work and saw him sleeping in our bed, I always say sorry in his ears as if he could hear it in his sleep. Sorry for not giving you time.
My eyes are getting blurry because of the tears.
"Did that... cause you to cheat on me?" I asked. He looks at me with disbelief. He holds my hand and shook his head.
"Where the hell did that even come from? I may have hated you but that didn't drive me to cheat on you. You're the only woman in my eyes, Stesia. I pledge to be with you for the rest of my life. I married you, Stesia." I was shocked by what he said. This man didn't cheat on me.
So I was wrong all along? This is so funny.. I gave up for that reason. I should've asked him first and get reassurance. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be in this bed right now. Maybe we will be in our house cooking in the kitchen.
"Sorry... I made a mistake. I doubted you... My love."
I said hoarsely. He shook his head." No.. I'm sorry for making you doubt... My wife. "
We spent time together in this room. We talked like how we truly used to be.The room was filled with his beautiful laughter and I want to hear it until my last minutes.
I was in the hospital for weeks and I still feel weak. Weaker I must say. But even so I'm glad he was still beside me.
And I know that he will even if fate took my life away.
