Turning to God

The end to beginning : Darkness meets light, Despair meets hope

Growing up, i always heard about God and His story. How He created the world and save the world although we've hurt Him multiple times. How His only son, Jesus was send to the world to live as a normal person and spreading good news and teaching people about God. How Jesus died on the cross for us, for us to be able to spend eternity with Him in heaven once our time in earth have finish. All of it I have learn and understand. Yet, i only learn and understand. I didnt fully lean into it.

I kept on growing up, continuing my life and achiving multiple milestones in my life yet, my thoughts and acts about Him remain the same with the slight difference. Due to some people preaching about Jesus in the tiktok app, I have come to know that I should take my relationship with Jesus seriously because Jesus have died for us. So that, we could be save and i've tried multiple ways of deepening my relationship with God like reading the bible, praying on the morning and night and reading some plans available on Holy Bible app that targets problems I face in my walk with Him. It was doing good. I consistently does the things well until i fall the first time. I fell into sin. The temptation was pulling me in, slowly yet surely it did until it works.

I didnt know what to do after that. I was lost, like a sheep without its shepherds. But, the sin was addicting. Wherenever i have thoughts of wanting to do it right again, to go back to God, the sin pulls me again, harder each time. So, i ended up doing the sin for a longer period of time until i stumble unto a video talking about how its not too late, how i still can turn back to God and that God is not mad. He's waiting for me to turn to him again.

That push me to go back to God. The feeling of wanting to apologizing for my sins and asking for forgiveness from Him. Yet, another obstacle arise. The feeling of shame and guiltiness. Those feelings held me back once again. Like a chain wrapped around me, trying to hold me in the darkness surrounded with negative thoughts. Just like that, i was once again far from God.

Again, i stumble unto a same video with different words used that encourage me to go back to God and asking for His forgiveness for my sins. So, i took it and it took a while that day for me to do it. When i finally do it, finally muttering words of apologies while praying in my room alone, it was like a weight just lift off of my shoulder. I feel lighter somehow, like i could breathe easily again. I didnt know God would speak or tell me whether im forgiven or not that same day, but in my mind, all i could think about was that im forgiven.

The next day, true to my thoughts, when i open tiktok, i stumble upon a video saying that God will always forgive people who repent and go back to Him. Just like that, i feel double the relief from last night and i smile. Relieve and peacefully. Thats when I really know who God is and why choosing Him is the best option of all.

P.S. I apologize if this story is short. But, I just want to tell my story about repentance and going back to Him because i felt that repenting especially the confessing part of our sins is hard. Im included also. To go back to God after sinning when we promise not to do it again is not a good feeling. But, we should always go back to Him after we sin because we still have time. God is always waiting for us as He wants us to be in heaven with Him. We shouldnt take advantage of His forgiveness though, but strive to become a better person and make better decision than yesterday. Also, i just want to spread good news about Him because we are called to. So, yeah i hope you enjoy the story and always remember that God is always there for us and is willing to help us when we need help.