'THE OFFICE' STYLE INTRO PLAYS, CUTTING TO FOLLOW SATAN WALKING FROM THEIR CAR INTO THEIR OFFICE. CUT TO SATAN GETTING READY FOR INTERVIEW. CUT TO SATAN SMILING AT CAMERA.
SATAN:
Oh, is it on?
CAMERA CUTS AGAIN TO SATAN SPEAKING.
SATAN:
Well, when the network pitched the idea to me that we
should film a documentary about what goes on down here
in hell, I was a bit apprehensive.
CAMERA CUTS TO GOD, SITTING AT THEIR DESK.
GOD:
Do I think this is a good idea? No. Absolutely not.
Do I think that once humans see what an absolute joke
it is down there, they'll take me a little more
seriously? I doubt it.
CAMERA CUTS BACK TO SATAN NOW STANDING IN FRONT OF A DOOR, LOOKING AT THE CAMERAMAN.
SATAN:
We're rolling? Okay we're rolling.
CAMERA CUTS TO SATAN LOOKING BACK AT CAMERA, LOOKING PROFESSIONAL.
SATAN:
So here is one of our torture rooms. Each room is
customized to fit its occupant perfectly. For example,
with murderers, we normally have their victims come on down
and torture them themselves, or for animal abusers,
we have their favorite pet come in and eat them
alive. Just fun little things like that. This room
is what we like to call the dinosaur room.
CAMERA CUTS TO GOD SITTING IN THE INTERVIEW CHAIR.
GOD:
They weren't my best work.
CAMERA CUTS BACK TO SATAN. SATAN OPENS THE DOOR TO REVEAL TORTURER STANDING WITH A MICROPHONE AND DINOSAUR TIED TO A CHAIR IN FRONT OF HIM.
TORTURER:
What is the deal with meteorites?
DINOSAUR:
Oh God make it stop!
SATAN:
Of course, if our personalized torture plans aren't
deemed effective enough, we can always resort to our more
traditional methods.
SATAN NODS AT TORTURER AND TORTURER YANKS THEIR BELT OUT OF THEIR BELT LOOPS. TORTURER BUNCHES UP THEIR BELT AND PULLS THEIR HAND BACK. BEFORE THEY HIT DINOSAUR, SATAN CLOSES THE DOOR AND CAMERA FOCUSES ON SATAN SMILING AWKWARDLY.
SATAN:
I'm sure he deserved it. Probably.
CAMERA CUTS TO SATAN STROLLING THROUGH A HALLWAY, TALKING TO OFFSCREEN CAMERAMAN.
SATAN:
[TO CAMERAMAN] So have you thought of what you're going to
do after your inevitable death? No?
SATAN SEES MALPHAS TALKING TED TO THROUGH A WINDOW, MALPHAS SEES SATAN AND STARTS WAVING ENERGETICALLY. MALPHAS MOVES TO OPEN THE DOOR BUT SATAN OPENS IT FIRST, HITTING MALPHAS AND KNOCKING THEM TO THE GROUND.
