~~Young~~

Chapter Eight

   Sera opened her mouth to argue but Chelsea didn’t pause to let her.

   “No, you’re going to listen and listen good that way I don’t ever have to say this to you again,” Chels said sternly, “Yes I worry about you, but only because I know you and the past that haunts you every day. I see the regret on your face, for new errors and old. When you come back, from Vancouver or from and Angel’s assignment, though you may succeed in your goals you still find a way to make it a failure. You find the flaws in everything you do, what you are responsible for…you find them in yourself Sera…I…sometimes I think that’s all you can see.”

   Sera knew she wasn’t exactly the most cheerful person in the world, but hearing Chels admit that she actually worried about her sanity because she was doing such a piss poor of a job of hiding her insecurities was definitely a blow. She may know her better than anyone else, but Sera knew her too, thought she would have seen some sign before now that Chels was aware of her constant- and manic- depression that was her life. She thought she was doing such a good job with the front she was presenting to the world, not even Duncan was aware of Sera’s dark mind all through their relationship, both the true and the false parts. She should have known Chels did, no, she should have told her herself instead of trying to hide it from one of the two people on this earth that truly loved her.

   Not that she could ever tell Joey, she couldn’t, not when she was trying so desperately to be that one stable influence in her life. What kind of example would that be for her? To have the person she looked up to admit that she was barely holding it together, that all those things Sera had told her not to worry about were the same ones that troubled her big sister the most? Numbness wasn’t an option when it would shut out those who needed you. But leaving yourself open to the kinds of emotions that lifted one’s spirit also meant you had to take the bad, the hard, in as well. And unfortunately for Sera there had always been more bad then good, the bad smothering the good no matter how hard she fought until it was all she knew.

   When Chels paused and hefted a deep breath, her hands moving idly to Sera’s neckline where she began turning the clasp of her chain back out of sight, she knew she was thinking of Joey too.

   “Like I said, I love you Sera, you and Joey are the sisters I never had and I’m here because I’m not going to lose you to yourself. I won’t be the one to tell Joey you broke her promise to her,” she fingered the blue and red bauble at the end of the chain before finally looking to Sera, “I’m here because I want to be, totally selfish I promise. Believe me; I need you just as much as you need me. Without you I’d have way too much time on my hands, totally lost not having someone to pick up after,” she chuckled again and this time Sera felt the corners of her mouth twitch up against her will, “and you know what they say about idle hands?”

   It was Sera’s turn to shake her head, “you know you just proved your point right?”

   “What? That you’re emotional inept without me and as such would fall into your own hole of self pity never to return again if it wasn’t for me?”

   “Yeah,” Sera nodded with a quirk of her lip.  

   “Yeah,” Chelsea laughed and wrapped her arms around her for a hug, “but again, I don’t mind in the least.”

   Despite her outward cheer Sera caught the seriousness in Chels’s eyes that said she wasn’t taking this as lightly as she was playing off. She was very aware that at any time she could lose her best friend to herself, but for Sera’s sake she would never admit to it. Because she knew Sera would only see it as another burden on her, and that she would rather give up the fight than inflict the same load she carried herself every day on another.