that night.

the park

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me and niki was at the park late at night sitting on top of the playground it was quiet the only sound is mine and niki's soft breathing i look over at niki who was looking at the sky i admire him i always do. i look up at the sky, "hey..niki?" i softly say "yeah.?" he responds. i stay silent before speaking again "can i.. tell you something?" i look over at him he looks at me "yeah." i look back at the sky i hesitate. "sometimes i wish nights like this would last forever," i whisper. niki doesn't say anything, but he doesn't move away either. the silence between us feels heavy, like it's filled with all the things we're too young and too scared to say out loud. "i don't think i'm very good at saying how i feel," i admit softly. "but when i'm with you... i feel less alone."my chest aches as the words leave me. he finally looks at me, his expression gentle, almost sad. "you're not alone," he says, barely above a breath. i nod, even though part of me knows the night will end, and we'll go back to pretending everything is normal.

i turn my eyes back to the sky, letting the stars blur together. his shoulder presses against mine, just slightly. it's not a confession. it's not a promise. but it's enough to make my heart hurt in the quiet, beautiful way that only comes with being young and loving someone you're not sure you're allowed to love yet. my throat tightens, and i blink hard, trying to keep my eyes dry. i hate how easily he makes me feel things. "i don't know why this hurts," i whisper, my voice cracking despite my effort to keep it steady. the words come out weaker than i want them to. i stare at the sky, but the stars blur as tears fill my eyes. one slips down my cheek before i can stop it. i quickly wipe it away, embarrassed, pretending it doesn't matter. niki notices anyway. he always does. "hey..." he says softly, like he's afraid of breaking me. i shake my head, a small laugh leaving my lips even though my chest aches. i'm fine," i lie. another tear falls, then another. my breathing turns uneven, quiet little gasps i try to hide. he doesn't say anything this time. he just reaches out, hesitating for a second before gently holding my hand.that's when it really hurts. because he doesn't pull me into his arms. he doesn't confess. he just stays. and somehow, that makes me cry even more.

i pull away from him not wanting to feel his touch. i gently pull my hand away from his, resting it back in my lap like it never belonged there in the first place. my fingers curl into the fabric of my hoodie, grounding myself before i break. niki's hand lingers in the air for a second before he lets it fall. he doesn't stop me. he doesn't say my name. i take a shaky breath, then push myself up from the playground. the metal creaks softly beneath me, too loud in the silence. i don't look at him right away. i'm scared if i do, i won't be able to leave. "i should go," i whisper, my voice barely holding together. when i finally glance back, he's still sitting there, looking up at me. his eyes are unreadable, but there's something in them that makes my chest ache. "okay," he says quietly. not stay. not wait. just okay. i nod, swallowing hard, and climb down slowly. every step feels like i'm walking away from something i wasn't brave enough to ask for. i walk past the swings, past the empty park, feeling his eyes on my back the whole time. i don't turn around. because if i do, i know i'll run back. and tonight is already hurting enough.

i don't stop walking until the park is behind me. my hands are shaking as i pull my phone out of my pocket, the screen lighting up the empty sidewalk. his name is still there. like nothing happened. i stop under a streetlight, staring at it longer than i should. my thumb hovers. i tell myself this is the only way i won't break. i block his number. then his instagram. then anything else that might pull me back into that night. the screen goes quiet. so does my chest, in that numb, aching way. i shove my phone back into my pocket and keep walking, tears slipping down my face freely now that no one can see me.