Dear Diary,... (ENG)

STORY 1

First love is always magical. It can be a huge success or a huge mistake. This way or another, it will change you're life. It will change you. I met a boy. A boy, who noticed me. I was nothing special. On a work event of my father. Our fathers were colleagues. He was three years older than me. He wrote to me and it started. We were spending time together, he was nice, ambitious, adult, so he was buying me cigarettes. He was mine for three years. But something happened. When we were dating, he wasn't spending that much time with me, not like when we weren't dating. I started noticing things. Things I didn'tlike. I was like a bird in a golden cage. When I went out, the questions were: „Where are you going?", „Who you're going with?", „Will there be boys?" When I didn't wrote to him for an hour, he started to get overprotective. Messages, calls, like i was doing something wrong. I wasn't. I was out, spending time with my friends. They didn't like him. He was competitive, arrogant, always felt above the others. They noticed it. I didn't. I wanted a future with him. I was blind. My friends hated him, his friends made fun of me. Perfect combination, right? He was going to university in a different town. He was always there. And that's not bad. But he was going to parties that were 24 hours long. Getting drunk, flirted with girls. He was full of himself. He never said to them that he has a girlfriend, because „They didn't ask." Hurtful. He started texting with someone. Hiding his phone. It started to get suspicious. I never went through his phone, but he was on the phone all the time texting someone, when we were somewhere together. I went to a party once. Met an old friend. Talked. He gave me attention that I didn't get from my boyfriend. We spend a lot of time together after the party. We texted. And i felt something. I went to call things off with my boyfriend, but I couldn't make myself say: „I'm breaking up with you," instead i said: „I'm choosing myself." he didn't get it. I went out with the other boy, when we found a head peeking between cars on the parking lot. My ex was spying on me. We argued, he went home. I was so mad, I kissed the other boy. I told my ex about what I did, cause I felt so guilty. The boy distanced after some time, cause I didn't know if I did the right thing. I was alone. For half a year. Then I started to get desperated. So I asked my ex to take me back. He did. We were together for another half a year. But I couldn't get myself to feel something with him. Everytime I kissed him, I saw someone else. I couldn't get myself to sleep with him. His touch felt like stranger's. I wanted to travel the world with him. That's when he gave me an ultimatum. „Traveling or me." That was when I knew, it's the end. End of the first love. A lifechanging love. A breakout of the golden cage. My freedom. No more feeling below someone, no more spying, no more arrogance. The end.