I wear hoodies now.
Every night.
I'll tell you why.
You're at college.
I'm here.
You're there.
Here and there are two different places
I think.
Maybe they're the same?
Maybe I'm too dazed to know anymore.
Why am I so down?
It's just college, right?
You'll be back.
But will I?
This hole that I'm in
is deep and dark
but comfortable.
I feel safe.
I don't want to leave my self-inflicted oblivion.
Then the pain hits me like a tidal wave.
Isn't that how it hits everyone?
Once again, I remind myself that I'm average.
The pain floods my safe haven
(which wasn't really safe in the first place.)
and I begin to drown.
I never was a strong swimmer.
Was that a metaphor?
Who knows.
Who cares?
Not me.
Why should I?
Emotions are gross.
I've been crying for three days.
That's disgusting.
You know what else is?
I have to keep doing things,
and acting like a normal human being.
Even though for some reason,
There is an enormous, gaping hole
around where my "heart" is.
I guess.
Dear God, help me.
I really cannot do this.
Yes, I can.
Well,
yeah, I can.
not today, but maybe tomorrow.
You don't make this easy.
Really, you don't.
And this love that I have is molasses
because I can't get out.
Ugh, that sounded super lame.
Back to my original thought.
I wear hoodies every night
because they're the only thing that holds me
almost as tight as you did
almost...
instead of your heat, all I have is mine
and honestly, mine sucks.
In fact, I'm starting to think I suck.
But this one tiny thing is on you.
Not me, for once.
I wear hoodies every night now,
and it's all your fault.
