Always and Forever: A Bang Chan Story

25th September 2020

*10:00pm*

There were a lot of things Bang Chan wanted to be doing right now, but standing by the bar at 'Thursday's' whilst his bandmates got wasted around him wasn't one of them.

He hadn't realized that when he'd signed up for becoming a leader of a K-pop group that he'd basically be adopting seven kids, but it was surprisingly fun. Chaotic, but fun.

And they deserved a little break. They'd been working so hard recently, even harder than usual considering they had to make up for the fact that Woojin had decided to leave just last year which was...still painful to think about.

There wasn't really time to grieve in this industry, you just had to keep going and keep pushing until you got to a place where you could rest and not have to worry about your career crumbling around you, which was what they did.

They worked and worked and worked until they felt like they were going to fall down, and in the end, it didn't mean anything, because Woojin decided to say 'fuck it' and destroy all the progress they'd been making.

It made Chan feel angry in a way he wasn't used to, but Woojin made his choice. Now it was just up to him to pick up the pieces.

He had to figure out how to balance the group as eight people instead of nine, he had to figure out how to redistribute their songs, he had to figure out how to rechoreograph their dances, and he had to learn how to bear the others' burdens so they didn't have to.

He'd known it was going to be hard when he originally put the group together, but he hadn't expected it to feel like this.

He was the oldest, and he was always going to be the oldest, which meant he was always going to have the most responsibilities and that he was going to be the one the others turned to when they felt down or when things got hard.

But Minho? Or Lee Know, as he should call him.

He wasn't the oldest, he wasn't the second oldest, he was just...somewhere in the middle. He didn't like getting cozy with the other members, he didn't particularly like to feel things too deeply, and he got frustrated easily. Yes, he was kind and empathetic when he needed to be, and he was one of the most supportive members in the group when it came to things like dancing and self-esteem, but that support always came at times when nobody really expected or needed it, and that wasn't going to work anymore.

They'd re-recorded most of their older songs as eight, they'd done a few live performances with the revised choreography, and they'd even written new songs together, better songs together, but that didn't make everything else disappear.

It didn't make Hyunjin stop calling Woojin's name every now and again, it didn't stop Jeongin looking for him when he need help with something, and it didn't stop Felix putting out nine plates when he was setting the table.

Bang Chan knew that this stuff was his responsibility now. He had to pick up the slack until Lee Know was comfortable enough to help. He had to step up so that they didn't feel like they needed Woojin all the time. He needed to be better. He needed to be more.

He just hoped he could figure out how to be that before the boys learnt to hold their burdens on their own.

"Channie-Hyung!" Jisung slung his arm around Chan's shoulder, grinning widely. "You gonna stand here all night? Loosen up a bit! Have a drink! It's not like you're driving." He waved his beer under Chan's noise.

Chan gently pushed his hand away. "I'm alright. You guys have fun. I'll be here if you need me."

"Aw, come on!" He whined, shaking Chan a little. "You're so boring."