The Millionth Nicotine Rush

"Why don't you just smoke it off?"
Alex muttered beside him. Matt was leaning against the balcony of an abandoned building-the building where Alex, Matt's friend and also ex-dealer, and Matt usually meet up when Matt is buying drugs from him.

But that was long ago.
Matt had withdrawn now. Not because he wanted to-Because Mello beat his ass the last time he ever caught him injecting heroin into his veins. He also still doesn't forget the time when Mello kept finding his hiding spots of his precious H and balloons. Matt thought they were perfect and sneaky hiding spots, especially under the floorboards and inside the walls. Not even a safe was safe from Mello. He broke it open... Everytime.

Matt doesn't really know why he's feeling shitty. Maybe because of the fact Mello doesn't really have time for anything. He still hasn't received the money from the deal Mello and Matt made just for Matt to agree on helping him with the Kira case. Or maybe the fact Matt's ass was too broke to buy a new set of gaming consoles he's always seeing and wanting on advertisements. He doesn't dare question Mello about the deal, though.

Alex was right. Mello had nothing against Matt smoking except if he smokes in an enclosed space next to Mello. At least this way, he could still feel like something's keeping him alive with dopamine-a feel-good chemical.

"It doesn't really help like it used to."
Matt mutters back, exhaling smoke into the air. Even though he had smoked heavily today, the lingering urge to just relapse gnawed at his back like a cat scratching a scratching pose or skin.

"I mean, it still does make me calm but man..."
"I still feel like shit."

Matt sighs out loudly next to Alex, who was also holding a cigarette. They both don't bother looking at each other. A conversation was enough. No eye contact is needed for a cherry on top. Alex, however, doesn't reply immediately. The silence in the atmosphere was comfortable, it wasn't what Matt was used to. He was used to people telling him unwanted advice all of the time.

"You need more than cigarettes like you usually do,"
"That's why it doesn't work as it used to."

Alex explains before handing another cigarette to Matt from the pack they were sharing-even though Matt still hasn't finished the cigarette between his lips yet. Matt stares at the cigarette for a while. For a really, really long time... Before deciding to take it.

Matt shoved it deep into the pocket of his vest, the pocket where he was hiding another full pack of cigarettes. Maybe, just maybe, if Matt did manage to smoke himself off, he could feel calm. It's not as bad as being high with his usual heroin anyway. Matt thinks thoughtfully. He knows the good times will only be temporary, but it's been so long. He wanted this. He needed this.

The conversation ends with them just giving a single nod to each other before finally turning their separate ways. It was their first time in months meeting up in this abandoned building.

Matt stumbles by and looks at a local bar. Well, he can't even drown his damned sorrows in alcohol. He has to help Mello with the case. And so with that, Matt crashes into his own apartment instead.

-

The next morning, Mello was getting dressed and preparing to just swing by Matt's apartment for a task he has to tell. But since Matt not answering Mello's calls made Mello concerned, especially of the fact that Mello told Matt specifically not to ignore his calls, texts or any notification from him.

Which also means that he was just going to quickly walk by to his apartment and leave immediately. He had to get somewhere more important-just like always. Watch, check. Leather jacket, check. Usual boots, check. Cologne, check. Emotionally available-not check.