Help You

Five

//Warning: Violence ahead//

Josh watched as his vase tumbled from the coffee table to the hardwood floor. It shattered loudly, scratching the wood with tiny shards. He had no time to mourn the loss now and he lunged back to avoid another fist to his face.

Adam was so drunk he could barely stand up straight and all of his common sense had been thrown out the window. He didn't even remember how this argument started, only that he was so mad he wanted to hurt someone. Josh was the only one around. It was a difficult pursuit, considering he could hardly tell left from right but the fact that Josh was scared made it easier.

Another punch was thrown, landing on the wall and forming another dent, less severe than the last. Josh slid past the other man, planning to lock himself in the bathroom. Before he could get by, Adam's hand was clamped on his arm. He shoved him against the wall, causing another crash Josh couldn't place right now.

Why are you doing this?

Adam didn't give Josh a second to breathe or cry as he released his pointless anger. A punch, another punch, a kick, a shove. When he was too tired to continue, Josh was curled up in a ball, using his little bit of strength to hold back tears.

Adam couldn't bring himself to care as he scanned their apartment, now in shambles. "What the hell, Josh?"

Josh carefully raised his head, grimacing from the stress it put on his new bruises.

What now?

"Why is the apartment such a mess?" Adam asked mockingly. The smirk on his face was wicked as he bent to Josh's level, the stench of alcohol stinging Josh's nose, "Clean it up."

Then Adam was gone, slamming their bedroom door behind him. Josh sat up slowly, careful not to cause himself more pain. When he stood, he hissed, the pain in his leg intensifying. He surveyed the damage done to the apartment. His vase was broken beyond repair, there was a new dent in the wall, some other things were crooked and off-center but not as important. He cared most about the casualty at his feet. The photo of them he'd hung up when Adam first moved in was on the ground, the frame broken and the glass cracked in several places. Josh couldn't contain his tears any longer.

You're so weak.

Josh cried for the second time today and the fifth time this week; It was only Tuesday. Most would say he had good reason to cry. Adam was becoming relentless, taking all of his anger out on Josh when he had the chance. However, Josh was starting to believe some of the insults Adam threw his way. Like when he called him weak any time tears formed in his eyes.

Josh made his way to the bathroom, limping and wincing at the pain in his leg. He turned on the light and studied himself in the mirror. The black eye Adam had given him last week was now a greenish color and seemed to be healing. Another bruise was forming on the left side if his jaw and he knew there had to be a few more on his leg among other places.

He sighed, wiping his tears and running his fingers through his faded, messy hair. There was no way he could leave the house without getting stares and concerned whispers from strangers. There was nothing else to do but clean up the mess Adam had made.

Josh took the broom from the supply closet in the bathroom and limped over to the pile of glass shards that used to be his vase. Luckily it wasn't expensive or a family heirloom. It did hold some sentimental value; his mom had helped him pick out the thing before he moved out. Now it belonged in the trash can.

Josh dumped the shards and proceeded to straighten out the more subtle hitches like an overturned glass on the counter. He picked the dish towel off the floor and used it to wipe up the spill.

Adam came down the hallway carrying a backpack and holding his car keys. He disregarded Josh and made to walk out the door.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked cautiously.

"None of your business," Adam snapped back and left without another word.

Josh sighed and went back to cleaning.

Just let him go.

It was just two days ago that Josh was cleaning up after another one of Adam's drunken fits. He had nothing else to do. He couldn't leave the house without receiving a text every minute from none other than his boyfriend, 'worried' about him. He didn't even get to see his best friend when he wanted to.

I'm so tired of this.

Suddenly Josh became light headed. He braced his hands on the edge of the counter and waited for the feeling to pass. When was the last time he ate? He didn't recall. Adam not only called him weak, but made sure Josh knew his opinion on his weight. After a while of just enduring the name-calling and taunting Josh had just stopped eating. Feeding himself became one less thing he had to remember.

After several long minutes, his vision cleared and he was able to stand up straight.

What am I doing?

Josh took a moment to take in his surroundings. There were now two dents in the wall. The first dent had been covered with a cheap painting Josh had gotten at Walmart but the other was in such a random place. He wouldn't be able to cover it successfully. What would his landlord say?

Aside from the obvious pits in the wall, the apartment looked neat and in order to any visitor but Josh new it was just a cover-up. So many things were out of place or just plain, old gone.

This needs to stop.

Josh's eyes landed on the photograph of him and Adam, now frameless and askew on the kitchen counter. The Josh in the photo was happy and in love, not to mention extremely naive. The Adam in the photo was soft spoken and sweet and only drank wine on special occasions. The contrast between the couple then and now was significant and Josh missed his old self.

He used to be talkative and able to make friends with the least likely people. Now talking was hard and the thought of being near strangers made his stomach sick. He missed the Josh he was before Adam moved in and destroyed him.

I want my life back.