Maybe I'm Not so Alone After All?

Week one. Part 3

"Well, considering that i saw you almost take your fucking life, maybe I wanted tro know why you would choose such an easy way out?." he said. He looked down at me with worry. I was always the type to be confused with a stranger's empathy. Emotions confused me anyway. How can a person with so much potential just subject themselves to their own feelings towards someone they barely ever met? Especially towards someone who seeks no will to keep going and trying?

"I don't know. Just cause?" I say awkwardly. To be confused with other's emotions, I tend to always be confused with mine also. Why express to someone when they;re just going to forget about it anyways? But he continued to look at me with eager intent to listen to what I have to say to such a ridiculous outcome that I decided was my path to take.

"Just.. cause? What are 7?" he crossed his arms. The hallway felt tense all of a sudden. Not gonna lie, him calling me a 7 year old almost made me burst out laughing, but that might've just been because I'm nervous. I was never the one to say my feelings. How I truly felt about this cruel world, and the cruel ways of survival. How my mind likes to betray my very being of just wanting a hint of feeling alive, and not in a constant loop. How I am the way I am makes me hate the person I have become.

"You know, I could guard the door while you have a moment of rest?" he suddenly said. The sudden voice brought me back to reality, and somehow he was even closer than before, startling me a bit. Maybe even getting a little red and my heart feeling more pumped up than seconds ago.

"...What?" I pause before taking in the suggestion. "-No! It's fine.. Really, I'll.. I'll only go restless in my sleep if I were to leave this door before ensuring that we're safe." I quickly excused myself as I checked the peephole once more.

The gentle giant only scoffed at my answer, walking up to the front door now and taking the doorknob to swing it open. He revealed the emptiness of the porch in all its glory, as the night looked ever more beautiful than the last. It startled me since I basically tripped by the action since I was up and personal with the peephole. I gripped the rifle just in case someone were to pop up any second. But no one came. I turned to look at him in slight horror as he continued to look outside with a small smile on his face. It was like he hadn't seen the night sky.

"See? No one else is coming tonight. You can go lay down and I can continue your duty of guarding the house." He said soothingly, still staring outside as he slowly closed the door.

I only looked at him with a shocked expression. The fact that he is so willing to give up his sleep just for the sake of mine. It made my heart ache by his thoughtfulness.

"Why so generous to someone who you barely met?" I asked suddenly. The height of this guy was straining my neck now, but I wont complain about it.

He straightened his posture to look even taller as he turned to look at me now. He gave me a small smile before answering. "It's a way of saying thank you for letting me stay here in such a crisis." he answered. But, I was still confused.

"Besides," he continued, "I can't sleep well ever since that night either because I haven't done much with the time I spent here to pay you back the offer. So, why not give it now?" he finally finished. He gestured for my rifle, but that only made me grip it closer to me. I thought about it. I really did. The thought of finally going to bed peacefully and not having to wake up so early just to make sure everyone is doing okay and not a visitor is exhausting as fuck. But to also just give up the only thing that made me feel safe within these walls to someone i just met is also very scary for me to think about.

"I'll let you think on it. I'll continue to stay here though as company. We can both be exhausted as shit in the morning." He said, getting comfortable on the other side of the door frame next to me. He sat on the ground, and played with his hands. I continued to look at him. I didn't know what to say at this point. It was all going so fast, I couldn't keep up with my thought process. I decided to sit down as well with my head in my free hand. Rifle in the other, as always.

"You got a name?" I asked suddenly. It looked like the question threw him off because he whipped his head up to look at me so fast that he somehow got a crick in his neck. He winced in pain as he rubbed his neck. I gave out a quick laugh before correcting my inappropriate behavior. The laugh caught his attention and soon enough, both of us were laughing. It must've been the lack of sleep from the both of us that everything seemed so small at that moment.

"I'm sorry, i shouldn't have laughed, cricks in the neck are a pain." I apologized, hiding the smile that betrayed me in the end. The look he gave me was so silly that I had to hide more of my face. Stupid brain.

"It's alright. I had it comin' from how hard i looked up." he coughed as a way to tone down his laughter. I gradually did the same.

When we both finally calmed ourselves, we were basked in a comfortable quiet, as we heard whatever was left of the species of crickets singing outside to make this moment a little more memorable.

"My name is Esenin." he finally answered. We locked eyes once more.

"As expected." I joked. He looked at me with mock offense.
"What is that supposed to mean?" he changed his sitting position to now lean on his hands. To be honest, it distracted me a little bit, but I forced myself to not think about it too much.

"Cause.. You know? It means ash tree.. Though I barely know you, you seem calm and collected and know just about the more reasonable aspects to how to get through life. You know, like nature? You're like a gentle giant." I explained awkwardly. I feared that I might've offended him for real this time, but that didn't seem to be the case at all. In fact, he smiled. Like, actually smiled. It complimented his features way more than the practiced one he usually gave. I felt my face get hot again.

"No one's ever called me a gentle giant before." He said. It's like I was watching this guy turn soft just by the thought of me calling him a nickname I've made up in my head ever since I met him outside my door. We stayed silent now. Letting the silence take us as we peacefully waited for possible people or visitors to show up at the door. Which no one came, like Esenin proved moments ago. I felt my eyes getting heavy, as my grip began to loosen on my rifle. I tried to stay awake for the sake of keeping the mutual company, but that didn't seem to happen as I quickly dreamt of a new tomorrow.