Red

Part 1/1

Why is everything red, such an ugly color, I hate it.

Asuka's plugsuit is red, just like unit 02. Asuka...why is she doing this, why does she care about me. She had no reason to pull me out of the entry plug, I suppose Misato ordered her to, maybe she really doesn't care, I'm just another assignment. Then why is she holding my hand, she's not going to hold Ayanami's that's for sure but she doesn't have a reason to hold anyone's hand, so why mine?
"If you care about a person, you hold their hand."
Misato held my hand once, so did Ayanami, the old one that is, Ritsuko did too and Mari as well and so did-

So did he

Red again, Red in speckles on my plug suit, and on Ayanami's too. I can't look her in the eye, I know what I'll find there.
"If you care about a person, you look them in the eye"
I do care about Ayanami even if she's...different, even if it's not the Ayanami I knew before. I can feel her looking at me, that means she cares right? No, I don't think she does, her eyes are cold but they don't harbor malicious intent, they're just lifeless.
And they're red.

So were his

My feet are tired, I don't know how long we've been walking, or where we're going. The sun is going down now, everything's darker. The dirt, or sand, or whatever the hell it is I've been burying my feet into all day, it's red too, dark red. I hate that shade the most, it's so familiar.

No
No, no, no

I don't want to think about it, I don't want to.
I..I can't breathe, I can't do this,I can't.
I have to keep going, I mustn't run away, that's not what he would want.
But he's not here, not anymore, and I'm the reason why.

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Asuka's pulling me back to my feet again, she's angry.
"That's the third time this has happened." She says, "I don't have time for you lagging behind so get your shit together you fucking idiot!"
Ayanami isn't saying anything. She doesn't care, Asuka doesn't care, Misato, Ritsuko, Father, none of them care, I'm lying to myself thinking they do, that they ever will. That anyone ever will.

But someone did, he did, he did more than care.
Him, with his piano and stargazing, his red eyes, and cheeks, and lips, and...and...

And the collar, that red shimmering collar, my collar

Yes my collar, it should've been me, it was supposed to be me. I wish it was me, instead of him, then maybe..maybe he could've found his happiness.

"I'm sorry this isn't the happiness you wished for."

No, no Kaworu. You're wrong, it was the happiness I wished for, the happiness I wanted.
If only....if only it could've lasted just a bit longer.

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Authors notes!!
This is my first published fanfic so please do leave constructive criticism, but I think it must be known that I wrote this all on my fourth period and lunch break at school, so that's why it's rushed and stuff but yeah I hope you enjoyed.