Unforgivable Actions of an Undeserving Immortal.

Over and Over

Nothing was working. No matter how much effort went into each attempt, no matter how desperate each one became, nothing was working. How could it go so wrong? How could it all possibly provide the exact same result?
Catsumi cried out in frustration, reeling back and throwing a punch into one of her newest machines. She could hardly think straight as blood poured from her torso. She was so distraught; she couldn’t bring herself to move away to patch herself up. “Maybe I’ll bleed out… I already proved the theory wrong, but a girl can dream.” She thought to herself. She slowly looked down at herself. The wound in her stomach was sizeable, and her mind raced with agonizing thoughts. “Rip everything out. Maybe if I pull enough out, something will finally happen.” Her eyes widened, her chest heaving as she slowly slid her shaking hand off the hunk of metal she had punched; the machine that had caused this in the first place.
Catsumi’s entire body trembled as she turned her gaze towards her hands. She was so tired. She wanted nothing more than to just die. She knew no one would really miss her. No matter how much those select few told her otherwise; she knew the truth. Her vision suddenly grew blurry as her eyes stung with a sudden onslaught of tears. Her knees gave out as a violent sob shook her to the core. She fell to the floor, first onto her knees, then collapsing fully onto her side; hugging herself as tears began to pool onto the floor with her blood. She squeezed her eyes shut as the pain of her wound finally collided with her mental anguish. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling forth like a broken dam. She needed to pull it together, she knew she did, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to do anything besides lay there and cry.
“What have I done to deserve this fate…?” Her words came out as a rasped whisper, her vocal cords barely allowing her to speak through her own hiccups and sobs. She spoke to no one at all. No one was there to hear her question, and perhaps that was for the best. No one would have the answer. It was another tough pill to swallow, but it was one she had swallowed a long time ago. “My existence is pathetic… I am pathetic…” she croaked, her eyes slowly opening. She stared over towards her desk. Her computer was off, the monitor next to it blinking idly. She slowly turned her head, staring at the machine that she had previously hit. The metal surface was just shiny enough for her to see her reflection. She couldn’t help but feel disgusted with herself.
She could see her tear-stained face, her eyes squinting pathetically with a more purple-ish tint from crying. She could see her hair behind her, stained and sticking to the floor because of her steadily drying blood she was too preoccupied to clean up. She could see her wounded stomach, still seeping small amounts of blood. It looked disgusting, and it made her feel cold. She could see herself trembling from pain and overwhelming emotions. She hated everything she saw. She hated the pathetic excuse for a woman that consumed her. She wanted it dead. She wanted nothing more than to kill it but no matter what she did, she just couldn’t. It was agony, constant agony that repeated itself over and over again with each passing day.
After a moment of silent staring, Catsumi let out a deep sigh, moving to sit up. She reached up, wiping the tears off her face before pulling herself to her feet. The least she could do right now was clean up her mess.