Chapter 1
Three days ago, I was standing next to Emma, smiling as she picked out her dream wedding dress. Now I'm tearfully sitting in the grooms plush red arm chair and trying to keep a straight face. To make a long story short, I'm in love with my sister's husband. His face is smooth and soft, his eyes as blue as blue has ever been. His wavy ginger hair is brushed back just above his perfect eyebrows, and is shaved close to the back of his head. He's tall and lean, and my cheek fits gorgeously next to his collar bone.
But I know you're thinking, "How do I know this?" It is my sister's groom after all. Yet I've felt the grooves of his jaw bone and cupped my hand around his ear to softly send him whispered secrets. I've lain next to him for nights on end, feeling the vibration of his breaths echoing throughout the bedroom. But I never want to go back. Those are just days of sorrow and betrayal masked by a blanket of joy, but with my past morphing into a nightmare, it's too hard to forget.
"Emma, I love you. I love your eyes, and your laugh, and that beautiful heart inside. Nobody has ever made me happier. Honey, you shouldn't care about the past. It's now, these beautiful years we've had together, that's what counts."
"Oh, go cry to Shaye. I'm sure that she cares more than me."
Even though the fact that I broke these two up was haunting me, I didn't seem to care as I pondered my thoughts. What am I supposed to do? Just apologize for having an affair with my sister's fiancée? That doesn't really work.
"Emma," I said softly, "I really think--"
Emma threw her hand up to her forehead, her diamond engagement ring still glittering on here thin ring finger. She still hasn't decided what to do with it. "Just don't," She said, cutting me off. I slouched away, unable to think. Unable to concentrate. Unable to make myself believe that everything would be okay.
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Nick and I were perfect for each other. We loved each other from the day we met. We both were trainees at the Chicago Zoo, and we planned to become zookeepers together. His favorite animal was the sea lion; so was mine. His favorite section of the zoo was Africa; so was mine. We would spend hours on end making treats, enrichments, and diets.
Then, on a bright and sunny Friday afternoon (the day will be forever implanted in my brain), a giggly, blonde, curvy woman decided to come to the zoo alone. It was, in fact, my sister, and when I saw her, I knew she wasn't here to see me. I knew that someone special was on her mind every time she wore those hot pink yoga pants. No, I was definitely not that someone special.
Emma walked up to the section I was working at around noon, and to my surprise, tapped me on my shoulder. "Emma!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" I nicked my shovel into the ground, creating a bowl for it to sit in while I chatted with Emma.
"I decided to stop by. I realized that I never really checked out the place you work at." She wrinkled her nose at the myserious lump I was shoveling into a pan. "It's quite nice, actually," she added forcefully.
I sighed. "I'm not stupid, Emma. Who did you come to see?" Her smile faded for a split second, almost too quickly for me to notice.
"What makes you think that?" She laughed.
"Emma--"
"Ok, see that guy over there?" She pointed, conspicuous as ever, to a young man handing out change at the food court. Jumbo Josh. That's what we called him here at the zoo. His biceps bluged through his tight fitting Zoo Crew t-shirt, and Nick and I were pretty sure that he had bench pressed the zoo's lion, Polaris.
