Fluffy, Foul-Mouthed, and Plotting My Doom

Magic, Mischief, and One Very Passive-Aggressive Rabbit

I walked inside my dorm room and I noticed the hutch that I kept Puddles in, had been left open. I could not recall leaving it open early this morning when I last fed her. I make my way towards the hutch but I notice little balls of her turds leading to the corner of the head of my bed, on the right side.

Okay, don't panic. It'll be okay! I tell myself mentally. I drop my backpack from my shoulders to the bed, and I quickly get onto my knees and look underneath my bed to see if I can find my little Puddles who is a dutch rabbit about two years old, she is still a baby.

"Puddles?" I whisper quietly as if she would answer back.

"I'm over here, you nuts for the brains of a human." A voice responded coming from on top of my bed. My heart racing, still on my knees I glance towards the closed door to my room. I shared a room with two other girls, Jenni and Emily. They both had to leave hours ago for their own classes, so that only left me... and... I slowly glance up onto my bed and sure enough, PUDDLES!

I fall back to my bottom and scooted as far back as I possibly could, till the back of my head hit against my solid wooden desk.

Puddles had hopped to the end of the bed and looked me straight into my eyes, and rose to stand on her back legs.

Okay, this is not happening.

"So I got your attention, good. We're on to something." Said Puddles, she spoke, how is she talking? I rub my eyes as if the illusion of my small little innocent PET Puddles was not standing up and talking to me like it's an every day occurrence. But, she remained the same, she was still standing up as my vision came back to me after rubbing them for a good whole minute.

"H..How... is this p..possible?" I stuttered to get out.

Puddles hopped off the bed and strutted towards me, like she owned the room... nay, the entire world. What is happening? Me, still in shock, because this turned from an average Tuesday afternoon, just after a seminar with one of the world's famous English professors, to a possible episode from a childhood cartoon.

"Okay, Karen, maybe you should lay back on them potato chips and indulge in what you've been feeding me. Have a carrot or two and maybe grandma won't be so on to you about your weight." Puddles said, before she itched behind her left rabbit ear.

"How are... you talking right now?" I asked, before I slapped myself in the face at an attempt to wake myself up from this dream... or perhaps a nightmare. Nope... She's still there, standing up, talking to me.

"Wow, and I thought you couldn't get any more dumb, but you sure did show me!" Her nose twitched and then she hopped up onto my lap. Startled as if I don't know this rabbit, that I have been raising for about a year now. She didn't talk when I picked her up from the pet store my brother and I had to drive four hours to get! Can I get a refund? This was NOT what I asked for!

I, unsure of what to do and out of habit, slide two fingers between Puddle's ears, and pet her gently. She almost immediately hopped back, and off my lap as if I, the normal one, offended HER. How even?

"No, you do not get to 'Pet' me as if I'm lesser of you, Karen. But now that we are on the subject..." She trailed off as she hopped over to her hutch, she didn't go in but she kept talking but the words went in one ear and out the other for me.

Wait, did she just call me Karen?

"I'm not Karen, I'm Tiara..." I spoke then looked back up at her, my attention had trailed off to the window where a bird sat perched, I was wondering if Puddles wasn't the only animal that could randomly speak.

"No, you are, in fact, irrelevant in this matter... Karen."

"Stop calling me that, and why of all animals, did I get one that was so rude?!" I ask, now getting frustrated. I stood up abruptly as if attempting to make a statement.

"Nope, sit back down, Karen." She ordered. I looked at her while she looked back at me, as I looked at her, looking at me.

"Fine!" I finally submitted, sitting down at the chair in front of my desk, the floor was making my legs cramp, gah, I'm so out of shape, maybe I should listen to the talking Puddles, maybe a few carrots wouldn't hurt after all... Am I hearing myself right now?! W. T. F.

"Good, now as I was saying. There will be some changes going forth. I, me, Puddles will no longer be restrained into that small, little cage of doom, but rather the nice comfy silky bed of yours. You will be hand feeding me THE best fresh carrot tops, and I will NOT be reduced to that pitiful kibble that you give to me..." She stopped and I interrupted.

"Where will I sleep then?"

"I'm not done talking, Karen..." Her nose twitched again, then she started pacing to one side of the bed to the other as she spoke. "...You will sleep on the floor, underneath the desk, so you can get the feel of what you put me through, you nuts for the brains of a human! Oh, and I'd like fresh air, so keep the window open, the nice Autumn breeze feels nice against my coat." Puddles finished.

I sighed, is this going to be my life now? I dramatically run all of my fingers over my face and slouched in the chair. This was worse than attending college already.

"How is this even possible?!" I ask, if not Puddles but the universe. Maybe this was in fact, the universe punishing me. I accidentally lost my sister's horse plushie when we were young. It was a sleep over and I just wanted to impress the other girls. How could I have known that Cassandra was moving the next day when I left that horse in her room? It wasn't my fault... well, it was, but still!

"We're circling back around that I see. Maybe it would have been wise for you to go back to Middle school, no, Elementary school. There you'd actually have a chance." Puddles was so mean! Ugh! "Do we have a deal? You abide by my new terms and then, I'll let you..."

"Live? You're going to kill me unless?" I ask, panic starts to form within me.

"No, you nutty human. I was going to say, then... I will let you...." her voice starts to trail off and my vision starts to fade, what is happening? "...Wake up." her soft voice finishes as I'm yanked back to reality.

I sit straight up in my bed, yank the covers off of me as I'm a sweaty mess, and panting. I glance at the hutch where Puddles had been safely inside, munching away at her hay while staring at me as if I was the one who startled her in the first place. I look over at the window, it's still dark out. The clock showed 3:33 A.M.

Was I dreaming?

"Nope, I'm still here Karen!" Puddles said with a wink, I fell back into my pillow and kicked my legs dramatically!