Billie Eilish Oneshots

THE END

TW: SUICIDE

Billie's POV

I want to die, but it's too early. There's nothing I can do about it, and that's what scares me. It feels like there's no purpose of life. Every day, I get out of bed, record a video, go on my phone, and go to bed. It's like a never ending cycle that I cant do anything about, except feel like I'm watching my life through someone else's eyes. My whole life is just a question of 'What's the point?'. People say things will get better, "Everyone has ups and downs, it's completely normal" Like, oh sorry, I didn't realise downs could last a lifetime." It feels like no one cares about me, and I know they don't, but I still have the strange feeling that by leaving, everyone's gonna be disappointed in me, and the guilt would follow me through death, to wherever the hell we go after that. I know that somewhere inside me, there's a small inkling of hope that things will get better, and that I will live a long, happy life, and that is the one thing that's keeping me here. I feel selfish, thinking all of these things, i have the life that so many people would give up everything to have- the most supportive family, a massive music career, a house in LA. What more could i want?

timeskip six months

It finally feels like things are looking up, I managed to make a friend, well girlfriend, and she makes me feel safe. Not necessarily happy, but still less alone than I did before. We've spoken about how I feel before, but I don't like to push my problems on her, I don't want to be a burden to her, and I know she's had her fair share of depressive thoughts. She just left our house, going home for the night, after a movie session on my bed, as neither of us wanted to get up.

timeskip to next morning

I woke up, admittedly earlier then normal, disturbed by the bright light after I forgot to shut my curtains last night. I checked the time on my phone, 7:46. Way too early. Before shutting off my phone again, I saw that I had 13 missed calls from my girlfriend, starting from 5:30, and I began to get worried, knowing she would never be up that early unless something happened. I called back, only getting a response the second time. I was answered by a very frantic woman, who happened to be my girlfriends mom. Now I was completely freaked out. Why was she calling me off of her daughters phone? And why did she sound like she was crying? She was rambling, and the only thing that I could make out was "Hospital, a hit and run, probably gonna die"

I don't know when I hung up the phone, or how long I sat there, just staring blankly at the wall. I can't even cry. To anyone else, it would probably look like I don't care, but the inner turmoil I was facing was too great to care about that.

What was the point in staying if she wasn't gonna be there? We could be together, and we wouldn't have to worry about anything else."

That's where my life came crashing down to the ground.

I rummaged through my bedside table, pulling out the pill bottle that had been pushed to the bottom of the drawer, trying to go with the "out of sight, out of mind", even though it never worked. I don't know how many I took, just whatever was left in the bottom of the bottle. I didn't bother with water. What does is matter if I choke at this point, I wanna die anyways.

My eyes and throat were feeling heavy, dark spots dancing in my vision. I knew it would be over soon, but what a waste. I didn't even make it to 24.

Just before I took my last few breaths, a new text popped up on my phone, from my girlfriend's number.

"She woke up."

I want to live, but it's too late.

A.N: first story!!! sorry its depressing. Lmk if you have any requests! look after yourself <3