Phoneplay (translation)

Part 8

Him

I love you.

I love you has become a word to say everything. Everybody use it, for anything, for anyone, in any circumstances. It's such a shame that the most precious word of our language is reduced to a word to say anything.

Yet, I think that everyone will agree that "I love you" is the most signicative word a man can say. That I love you is the strongest, the most important, the most expressive word in our language. But despite this, it has been reduced to a word to say anything.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Men changed the meaning of that word. But for me, it really means what it means. It is still strong, important, significative, that it initially was. It is still very precious. And I don't want it to change for me either. I don't want to start thinking like the others. Start thinking that I love you is the word to say everything. That we can use it in any situation, that we can use it for anyone. No. I refuse that this word loose all its sense for me too.

That's why I've never used it. No, never. Or at least, not when I didn't think it. I never said "I love you" to a girl, for example. Even when I play with one of my co-players, I don't tell her I love you. Even if my goal is to make her fall in love with me, I never tell her I love you. Simply because it wouldn't be the truth and I don't want to use that word if I don't believe in it. I prefer to say "I have feelings for you" or "my heart beats louder when I talk to you, or when I see you". In fact, I try to make the girl understand that I'm in love with her, without saying the precious word.

I don't want someone to tell me I love you either. I hate when somebody tells me that. because I'm afraid that this I love you will make me weak. That this I love you will change me. That this I love you will make me hope. But if I really don't want someone to tell me I love you, it's because I don't it to change into a I loved you. Yeah, I really don't want to hear that. That's why I don't want to love someone. Because if one day, the I love you turns into a I loved you, I don't think I could handle it.

That's why I play. Because texts are transparents, they don't let me get weak, change or hope. Because they give me the possibility to talk with girls without any attachment. Without me having any real feelings for her.

But I admit that, those days, it's hard. Alyssa. That's the name of my new co-player. She's different, you can see it. She's intelligent, rebel and free. She doesn't look like the other girls I use to talk to. She's chatty, she knows how to have fun... She makes the game more than relaxing. I like her for that.But on the other side, she annoys me. Because she takes her time. She doesn't want to go too fast. She doesn't spend her time asking me questions, like the others did. She barely tries to find out who I am. Maybe she doesn't care. I wouldn't be surprised. In the careless category, I've never seen better. Except with her parents, to whom she seems to hide a lot of things, she seems to accept what life can give her and doesn't worry about it too much.

This doesn't bother me that much, that she doesn't give too much importance to the research of my identity. What bothers me is that she desn't seem to feel anything for me. I want her to fall in love with me. I want her to feel the "I love him" echo in her whole body. To think about me night and day. To make her want to discover who I am. I know she likes me, but doesn't love me. She's not even considering loving me, in fact. And I want it to change.

Him: I looked at you all day long, you're really pretty.

Alyssa: Hum... Thanks?

Him: I'd like to be able to kiss your beautiful lips. And run my fingers through your hair.

Alyssa: Whaou. Are you sure you're okay tonight?