21 Murders | Harry Styles AU (discontinued)

XLVII. Annihilation

annihilation (noun):  an act or instance of annihilating, or of completely destroying or defeating someone or something

WARNING: slightly abusive content

Harry's POV

Throughout all my years in the academy, and even times before that when I was considering the job that I am currently in, I have never been able to fully grasp how the mind of a psychopath functions.

What is it that causes such dark and menacing thoughts to creep into their every day thinking? Where do they find inspiration behind their motive? How do they create this wall in their mind that shuts them out of the person they are hurting's emotions? When does this seed of such evil and inhumane thinking sprout? All these turns of events play a part and I can't help but wonder if it is fate that all things just align like so, or if God truly made evil so that good could conquer it. As I drop my lame excuse of a luggage to the motel floor, these questions are very persevering in my mind. 

The man at the counter of the motel looked like he planted hair growth serum to only the sides of his head. Black bush-looking clumps of hair entertained the space over his ears while the top of his head looked as if rabid rabbits had eaten what they thought to be black grass. Along with this off-putting sight, he huffed like one of his lungs had completely shriveled up into nothing, and sweat like he had just stuffed his face with Thanksgiving turkey. He smelled awfully of stale cigarettes and lunchmeat.

Besides that vomitus roadblock, my room isn't too maliciously defamatory. The door carries the abuse of over-slamming and is hindered by specks of paint being chipped away, but that is mainly because of time and age. The single bed has crème colored sheets, and paintings of starfish and seashells trying to give the illusion that this is some sort of beach getaway home. Too bad we are experiencing hale and cold weather.

No matter how hard I try to push away the thought, I can't help but to ask myself the same question repetitively.

What is Noelle doing right now?

Constant assumptions make it impossible to just simply wipe away all thoughts on the girl I still love. As if my life is a broken record, I keep playing back the sight of her cheeks when she smiles and the sound of her fucking beautiful laugh. Because that is what she is - fucking beautiful. No matter how many secrets she could keep to herself and not share with me, it still would not make the burning desire to love her deflate.

The endearing intimacy I feel for his girl is overbearing to the point that I believe I might just drown in her love. It might not seem too visible to the public around us, but deep in my chest, the only time I can really call myself happy is when I am with her. It didn't happen over night, more like a long and endearing process.

Never have I felt the need to be so tender and careful with anyone before. Noelle brought out that unique side of me. Even when we we're arguing or pissed at each other, her eyes would burn with spite but her touch felt like velvet.

The coolness of her hands was always something that bothered me. The temperature in the apartment could have been over eighty degrees and still her hands would be freezing. But the one thing that I took pleasure in was holding them, even if that caused me to suffer minor hypothermia.

And now that's all gone.

My irrational decision to come here is cut between wise thinking and bad, impulsive judgment. It was stupid and selfish of me to leave when there were things that needed to be explained, and I am still pissed, I admit this, but leaving was the wrong choice of action and that is on me to blame. I accept it now that my anger has dulled and missing her has overtaken my main sentiment.