Roll the Dice

nine. a bushel and a peck

In the distance, I caught sight of my brother, who looked like he smelled a mixture of rotten eggs and dog fart, as he gingerly picked up pieces of cardboard and plastic from who-knows-where. His darker sandy hair danced a little in the wind, and somehow, he looked like he belonged right there on the beach, like he hadn't left for college at all.

I slumped down a little and sighed. Well, maybe after all, I did miss my brother. (However, that didn't necessary mean that I was jumping for joy because he was back. I mean, he was a lazy ass whose skills mostly consisted of eating one and a half pizzas in one sitting and finding obscure facts on the most random websites.)

I turned back to my friends when I noticed there was an odd silence in the atmosphere. (Dacey and Cara usually always found something with which to insult each other, which I supposed was an interesting skill.)

"What?" I said. I stuffed the cigarette butt in the trash bag. "I'm allowed to look at my brother at times."

Dacey paused for exactly one and a half seconds before her mouth dropped open and she began spewing words like she had a time limit to make a particularly concise speech. "So you're sure he didn't mention anything about me."

"Dacey, please." Cara stood up, dragging the trash bag with her as she traversed a couple yards further down the beach. Dacey somehow found a way to crawl there without looking like a flatworm with epilepsy, and I scooted to them on my butt. Cara continued, "At least you can be sure that he's used to your presence."

"It would be a little weird if he wasn't," I added. I shrugged. "I mean, he's seen you around for three years."

Dacey threw her hands up. "Okay, you guys don't get it." She slapped the back of her hand against the palm of another. "There's a huge difference between acknowledging someone's presence and considering that someone as a potential girlfriend."

"Good God," I breathed, feeling a sudden desire to roll over on my stomach. However, I had a feeling that I'd done something like that during the party, and that hadn't gone over too well for me. "I'd ask you to keep that nasty, horrible conversation away from my ears, but I actually agreed to help you." I covered my ears. "Good Lord, what have I done?"

"Something very stupid," Cara supplied extremely helpfully. To add to the point, she tossed a whole beer bottle inside the trash bag and listened to it clink with some other pieces of glass.

"I'm getting nowhere for the latter option," Dacey continued as if Cara and I hadn't said anything. Cara and I exchanged a glance. To that, Dacey shook her head, sending us both dirty looks (although she wasn't yet the master of the stink face, so she wasn't exactly intimidating). "Seriously, I'm out of ideas."

"Bring him food," I blurted out. When Cara and Dacey turned their heads to look at me at the same time, I held up my hands. "I'm sorry. That's the only way I can lure him out of his bedroom nowadays."

Cara shook her finger at me, now maintaining eye contact with Dacey. "I know," she said slowly. Oh God. She was going to say something very Cara-like now. Oh God.

She pointed her finger at Dacey. "Maybe you can learn some college jokes. Like the ones that only people from Carter's college know." She paused, putting that finger on her chin. "Or I can teach you some existential puns. That'll blow his mind."

Dacey was just nodding and grinning like she'd hit the jackpot when I raised my hand. When Cara pointed at me, the way a teacher who didn't know the names of his students would, I called out very loudly, "It will blow his mind. He has a very limited amount of neurons, and I'm afraid they're already dedicated to the three B's."

"The three B's," repeated Cara flatly.

"Booze, boobs, and butts," I said slowly.

Dacey's eyes lit up like she'd finally understood them meaning of life. "Oh, I see. Now I think I have an idea."