Dangerous Paths

Too Fragile To Hold

Realizing the door was locked she started to panic rattling the door handle "Sasha let me in baby please" she pleaded. Sasha put a dark towel to her arm before unlocking the door still crying. "Oh sweetheart" Emily said in a sad tone as she wrapped her arms around her fiancé holding her close. "I'm sorry Em I had to make them stop" Sasha told her through sobs, "Make who stop honey?" Emily asked her trying to understand. "The memories" Sasha confessed pressing down on her bleeding arm. Emily looked down realizing what had happened "Sweetheart did you hurt yourself?" She asked in a soft tone. The brunette nodded feeling bad for not even realizing she had done it til the memories stopped "I didn't realize what I was doing til the memories stopped" she told her. "It's ok let me look at it" Emily told her as she helped her to the bed, Sasha sat down allowing Emily to check her arm. "Damn baby these are kind of deep let me see what I have" Emily said her face and voice both concerned. She grabbed her first aid kit and started cleaning the cuts on the brunette's arm before bandaging them and wrapping her arm.

Once she was done she held her close "Next time you feel that way tell sweetheart please" She pleaded not wanting her fiancé to harm herself again. "I will I'm sorry" Sasha replied hiding her face against Emily's chest. Emily kept her close to her until she stopped crying "Do you want to try to eat my love?" She asked. The brunette nodded as her stomach ground "Food would be great right now" she told her. Emily smiled softly as she helped her to the kitchen, Sasha sat at the table as she started eating her left overs from last night. Emily sent Tara a text "Sasha is having flash backs badly she just cut the hell out of her arm trying to make them stop. She didn't even know what she was doing until they stopped" she told her. Emily sat and started eating her own "Still want pizza?" She asked. "Yes please" Sasha replied with a smile Emily nodded before ordering their favorite pizza from their favorite place.

Tara texted back "Ok I'll prescribe some medicine to help her anxiety and depression. How is she now? How are you holding up?". Emily responded with "Ok thank you. She's ok now just finished a snack before our lunch gets here. Honestly I'm worried, I'm terrified Tara she's so fragile right now and I don't know what to do. I've been there before but not quite this badly". Sasha drank some water before taking her plate to the sink "Emily are you mad?" She finally asked. "No my love I'm not mad I'm worried that's all. I don't want to loose you I wont survive." Emily confessed. Sasha looked over at her realizing how badly she scared her fiancé by harming herself. "I'm sorry baby I don't know why I did it" she said as her eyes flicked to the floor. She was shutting down she normally did this with things got rough. "I know honey and I know you didn't mean too" Emily told her as she stood up taking her own plate to the sink.

Tara texted back "We will get this sorted Em. Just be her rock she needs you the most right now". Emily looked at the message before sending back "I know she does and I'm trying even though I want to break down". Emily wrapped her arms around the younger woman before kissing her head softly "I've got you baby" she told her. Sasha hugged her tightly as she sniffled trying not to cry again. "Shhh baby it's ok to cry. It's ok to not be ok" Emily told her, the brunette finally broke down sliding down the cabinets Emily following her down still holding her.  Sasha cried against her fiancé as she let all of her emotions out, Emily held her close rubbing her back and stroking her hair. As the brunette cried Emily also pressed soft kisses too her head "Everything will be ok" she reassured her. "Will I ever be normal again?" Sasha asked between sobs, Emily felt tears welling in her eyes "At some point but nothing will be exactly as it was honey. You've been through severe trauma we both have been" she told her softly. Sasha cried harder thinking she would end up pushing Emily away by not being the person she was when she first got with her. "Hey look at me. I know what just went through your head" Emily told her. The brunette hesitated before looking up at her, "Nothing is going to take me away from you again. I wont let it. Not our job not trauma and surely not PTSD. I'm not going to leave you like everyone else has" She told her trying to stay strong. Emily lifted her fiancé's left hand up showing her the ring "This ring means forever, I will stay with you no matter how hard things get. I love you sweetheart." She told the brunette.