Over, Above, and Beyond

{ 1 - Charlotte }

I can't concentrate.

I'm not sure if it's because of the emptiness I feel or the thoughts that pick at my brain. Maybe it's a mixture of both. Maybe it's none of the above. Maybe it's one of those questions that have no answer.

I never really thought about how dangerous your thoughts can be, especially when you're left alone with it. It's when when you're doing nothing even with things in front of you, seeing nothing even with your eyes wide open, and yet feeling everything even with everyone around you. The blank time makes you vulnerable, and your thoughts just eat you up alive. You think of all the “what if's” and the “should have's,” and there really is nothing more painful than thinking about what you could have had if you just did things right. After that thought comes flashes of memories, all supposedly long gone and forgotten, but who are we kidding, right? Anyone who ever said “forgive and forget” has yet to experience the kind of hurt that just shatters your entire being and cripples you so much that you can't even move.

“Earth to Charlotte.”

I blink, snapping out of my thoughts. Lily's scrutinizing me, looking me over with her arms crossed. “Class is over.”

I close my History book shut and tuck it in my backpack. I slip a strap of the bag on my shoulder, and already I feel the weight drag me down; it's as if all my thoughts have decided to live there instead. I wouldn't blame them, really; my mind's a messy place to be in.

“If it makes you feel any better, I never did like Ben,” Lily says with a hand on my shoulder. “He was too...” she trails off, before continuing, “Soft for you.”

I shake my head, warding off any more thoughts. I've had enough of thinking of Ben and his new girlfriend. I already spend too much of my time with that.

“I'm not thinking about Ben,” I simply say as I stand from my seat and leave the classroom. Lily follows beside me, sighing. “What are you thinking about, then?” She asks, even if she already knows the answer.

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything,” I confirm. “Everything and nothing.”

She sighs again. “Why do you always have to be so complicated?”

I grin at her. “If I wasn't complicated, you'd be stuck with a simpleton.”

She grins back. “And we wouldn't want that now, do we?”

I shake my head. “No, siree.”

And just like that, our topic of conversation is something else. That's what I like about Lily – she always knows when I don't want to talk about something. She always knows when it's time to drop the issue. Some people just keep pressing, and they can't understand that sometimes a person just can't afford to think about certain things anymore. Sometimes a person needs to run away for a while before everything sets on fire.

“I really want some tacos,” Lily says, as we make our way towards the cafeteria. We maneuver our way against the sea of students swarming the hall, and I've lost count of how many people I've accidentally nudged.

“Today's Tuesday, so no tacos for you,” I tell Lily as we push the cafeteria doors open.

Lily groans. “Today's meatloaf day.”

“The usual plan?” I ask her.

She's already walking away from me to find a seat, but I see her nodding her head. I walk briskly towards the salad bar, hoping to grab two plates for Lily and I. Our stomachs cannot digest meatloaf - especially meatloaf from this cafeteria. That's why every Tuesday, where it's meatloaf day, we have to make do with the salad that's always there every day. Unfortunately, majority of the student population at this school have the exact same digestive systems as we do, and that's why instead of calling it “Meatloaf Tuesday,” we call days like today “WWIII.”