The Blueprint of Us

Fragile

SOLA'S POV

Tahimik ang buong bahay, the kind of quiet na may halong pagod, antok, at konting tension. Naririnig ko pa rin mula sa labas ng bintana yung mga kuliglig at yung mahinang buhos ng tubig mula sa garden sprinkler. Gabi na. Wala na yung usual na ingay mula sa mga kaibigan namin. Nakauwi na silang lahat. Megan was probably in the guest room at si Ate Brenda, sa maid's quarters.

Nakahiga ako ngayon sa kama namin ni Felip, nakaangat yung likod ko sa mga inayos nyang pillows, may hot compress sa tagiliran ko, at suot ko yung favorite kong oversized na t-shirt niya yung black na may nakalagay na "Superior Son" logo sa dibdib. I love this shirt. Amoy Felip.

He came out of the bathroom,  only wearing gray sweatpants, hair still damp. He looked tired but still so damn good. 

"Okay ka lang, love?" tanong niya habang lumalapit sa akin. I got distracted, my man was topless.

I nodded. "A little tired pero mas okay na to kaysa sa hospital bed."

Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama, saka hinawakan ang kamay ko. Dahan-dahan. Para bang natatakot pa rin siyang masaktan ako kahit konting galaw lang.

"I can sleep sa couch if mas gusto mong magpahinga," alok niya, halos pabulong.

"Noooo..." I said habang pinipisil ang kamay niya. "Stay. Please."

Hindi na siya kumontra. Nahiga siya sa tabi ko, paharap sa akin, peronag iwan siya ng konting space between us, as if may invisible barrier sa pagitan namin. I hated that barrier.

"Kamusta kayo ni Kuya?" tanong ko, finally breaking the silence.

He sighed. "It was tough. Galit siya, as expected. But he needed to say those things. And I needed to hear them."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Anong sinabi niya?"

"Na even if I didn't cheat, I still hurt you."

I looked away for a second. Kasi totoo naman.

"I didn't cheat, Sola," dagdag niya agad, voice trembling a little. "But I should've been more careful. More honest. I should've thought about how it would make you feel."

Tahimik ako. Hindi dahil galit ako, but because hearing him say it aloud... it stung in a different way. Like reopening a wound I thought I already bandaged.

"She's leaving soon, baby" he said softly. "I talked to her already. I don't want you questioning your place in my life, love. Ever again."

Tumingin ako pabalik sa kanya. Hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko. He was kissing them. Repeatedly. Like a prayer.

"I'm not mad at you baby," I finally said.

Napatigil siya, his lips still at the back of my hand.

"Nasaktan ako, oo. Natakot. Na baka may totoo dun sa lahat ng worst case scenarios sa utak ko. But I'm not mad at you. I just needed you to fight for me a little louder."

"I will," he whispered. "I will, Sola. From now on, I will."

Niyakap niya ako, maingat. Yung tipong halos hindi niya ako tinatamaan sa katawan ko pero ramdam mo pa rin kung gaano siya kumakapit. And I melted. Kasi kahit may sakit pa ko, kahit may tension pa rin sa paligid, I know this is where I want to be.

"I'm sorry kung pinahirapan kita," bulong ko sa leeg niya.

"I told you already, Sola," he said, pulling away just enough to see my face. "You had every right to feel that way. Kung baliktad ang sitwasyon, I would've broken too."

Napangiti ako. Kasi finally, we're okay. No more guessing. No more assumptions. Just... this.

Hinila niya ako ng kaunti.