Stuck At The 9th Step

CHAPTER 60 : SO WRONG

I breathe out in irritation. Tinabi ko sa gitna ng daan ang kotse. Sunud-sunod na paghinga ang ginawa ko para kumalma.

"Shinn, you should've listened."

"You know that I'm not a good listener, feisty."

"Then, be reasonable! Come on! Kung ano man 'yang mga pinaplano mo. Cut it out! Stop it now. Shinn, wala kang mapapala sa galit."

Of course, she wouldn't understand. For someone who grew up with a family, of course it's hard for her to understand my actions.

"Hindi ka na lang dapat pumunta."

"Why? Para walang gulo?" I laughed. "Sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang maraming dapat malaman."

"Hindi na kita naiintindihan. Shinn, hirap akong intindihin ka kasi hindi ka nagpapaliwanag ng maayos. Most of your actions were done impulsively! Malalaman ko na lang pag wala na akong magagawa. Shinn, nahihirapan din ako."

"That's it, Rhea. Inaalis ko lang sa landas mo ang mga taong nagpapahirap sayo."

"Oh, God." Napahawak siya sa kanyang ulo. "Shinn, you don't have to do that. I won't even ask for that. H-Hindi na nila 'yon kasalanan. Remember, I was the one who made a decision and this is just one of the consequence that I have to face."

"Yeah. And I'm the one who made it messier?"

"I don't know what to do anymore! Hindi na ako makapagdesisyon ng maayos! Hindi na ako makapag-isip ng matino kasi walang nagpapaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang nangyayari!"

"It won't start from me, feisty, unless I have to explain my side."

"That's too selfish." Humina ang boses niya.

"I was never selfless. I'm not like you, like them and even your ex. Kaya hindi mo ako maintindihan."

"Wala silang magawang masama sa'yo. Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi na ako ang nananakit sa sarili ko. Let it be, Shinn. Kasi gusto ko rin 'tong pigilan pero hindi ko kaya! Alam mo naman 'to simula pa nung una, di ba? Sinabi ko na sayo 'to." Her voice shivered. "Alam mo na mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya."

I didn't dare to speak because I know I would burst if I do that and I would end up hurting her feelings in the greater extent. I want to scream it out. Kung alam lang niya ang mga rason. Kung alam niya lang. . .

"Stop this, Shinn. Pull out your investment. Ilang beses ko bang ipapakiusap sa'yo na huwag kang magalit sa kanya? Ilang beses pa ba? May rason din siya."

"Then, what is it? Do you know his reasons? Did he tell you why? Di ba hindi naman? Up until now, nanghuhula ka pa rin kung bakit. Up until now, umaasa ka pa rin magiging kayo, di ba? I saw you with George, Rhea. Wala kang matatago sa akin."

Her eyes widened. "H-How did you know that? Pinapasundan mo ako?"

Gusto ko sabihing hindi lang siya kundi lahat sila. If she wants me to spill it all, I'll do it. But I know she's scared to know the truth. I could understand that part. She's traumatized.

"I won't tell you anything against you agree with me."

"Paano ako sasang-ayon sa gusto mo? That's illogical! Anong balak mo sa kumpanya nila Ren? Pababagsakin mo? I know you can do it in a blink of an eye. But I want you to know that their institute is helping a hundred charities, Shinn. Kung sisirain mo lang dahil sa pansariling kagustuhan, maraming madadamay!"

"Then, what? Of course, I'll always be the bad one who ruins everything. I know you think of me that way-"

"Hindi gano'n ang tingin ko sayo! Ayoko lang na isipin nila ng mga tao na masama ka dahil gusto mo akong ipagtanggol. Kilala kita. Hindi ka gano'n. If you're thinking that way, please think again. Hindi mo ba naisip na nasasaktan ako pag pinanindigan mong maging masama sa iba? You're one of the finest man that I've ever met. Marami kang nagawa para sa akin. I can't even think a better way to give back those favors! Shinn, huwag naman ganito. Walang ginagawa si Ren. Walang ginagawa si George. spare them-"