Automation Chronicles

2: Testing sequence

I swear I just ran out of battery in a junkyard and powered off. And now it seems like I'm in some sort of mansion. Great.

I see a person that's standing slightly shorter than me. I don't know who he is, but he's sure dressed nicely. There's a robot beside him with green eyes that contrast with my red eyes.

"Robot, run testing sequence", the man says, staring at me with warm brown eyes.

I stand there, confused. What does he mean by 'run testing sequence?'

He repeats, "Robot. Run test sequence." Nothing. He turns to the robot at his side. "Is this one broken?" Then- OW! He slaps me?!

"HEY!" I exclaim, my wings unfolding. "What the HELL was that for?" I get ready to slap him in the face RIGHT BACK AT HIM- and then I remember that my fingers are the sharpest claws on the planet, and slapping him would turn his brain into sliced tofu. Whoops.

After seeing my claws and noticing my previously folded knife-wings (as if my red eyes and my wiry chassis weren't enough), he seems to recognize what kind of robot I am, and he backs up faster than a Cargo Robot while not carrying anything! (That's fast.) Hell, I started laughing because he moved so fast!

"DON'T- DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE! I'LL- I'LL DO ANYTHING!!'

Great, he probably thinks I'm laughing because I'm about to kill him.

In the meantime, despite the man curling up into a ball, his robot hasn't moved an inch. Weird. I ask the man, "Hey, what's wrong with that robot over there, with the green eyes?

He gives me a strange look, mostly fear but also a bit of confusion. "Wh- what do you m- mean? The- there's nothing wrong with it..."

I facepalm and explain why the robot is CLEARLY broken. "Okay, first thing. I'm the DB-C variant of Deathbot, so I'm NOT going to kill you." The man's expression becomes more relaxed and a tinge more... confident? Weird. Anyway, I continue, "Second, what do you mean there's nothing wrong with it? It's not running away from me, the sCaaAaAaRy KiLLeR RObOt! I thought that all robots BOLT when they spot a Deathbot! Well, all robots made by Lockheed Robotics."

As soon as I talk about Lockheed Robotics, he immediately looks more surprised. "Lockheed Robotics?" he asks me. "I haven't heard that name in a while. They went bankrupt ten years ago."

Sarcastically I say, "Oh, who would have thought? Anyway, why isn't anything wrong with this bot?"

He explains, "He's being obedient to me. I didn't tell him to curl up into a ball, so he doesn't curl up into a ball."

This takes me by surprise. Obedient? Wow, robots sure have come a LOONG wa- wait is that a gun being pointed at me?

His mouth opens. "And it looks like you're a robot too... so you should be obedient."

He doesn't know it yet, but he just made a huge mistake: trying to make a killing robot submissive.

You see, I'm equipped with (former) state-of-the-art processors, with sub-millisecond reaction times. So I just WHOOSH the futuristic-looking Glock out of his hand, and twirl it around in my claws.

"Really, hmm? Well, I'm going to leave, thank you very much."

And I sprint out of the front door of the mansion.