Working Through Some Stuff

Part 2: Vulnerability

I've pondered most recently,

Upon my vulnerability,

Of all the things that I redact,

Via nuanced thought and caveat,

I've examined the things I lament,

Through my fear of abandonment,

Not scared of people leaving, I know they will,

So I have not progressed, I've just stood still,

Burdened by the increasing weight,

Of the things I can't communicate.

I tell myself that I try,

Build the walls, maintain the lie,

Expressing myself through vibrant colour,

The meaning lost to any other,

A complex web of indirection,

Hiding scores of imperfections,

Like a childish cartoon, but visceral and gory,

A metaphor for another story,

Thus condemned to be a lifer,

Dropping coded message without a cypher,

But now I think it's time for change,

To compile my thoughts and rearrange,

Now I know what's hurting me,

My own insecurity.

I've started to explore connection,

Which has led me in a new direction,

Reattaching links between thought and feeling,

Has been hard and left me reeling,

Emotions I can no longer negate,

Stifle my ability to articulate,

Left with so much to say, but robbed of skill,

Sometimes I think I won't... but I know I will,

Even if I feel I'll lose myself,

It's time to try something else,

It's early days but I'll keep on going,

To bridge the gap between understanding and knowing,

That the answers hidden deep inside,

Are only hidden by my pride.