The Oracle Trilogy Book One Ohm's Node

The Apotheosis of War (completed)

I post because I can't stand myself anymore. I am the same person I loathe. I loathe me because I killed my own flesh and blood in a battle over resources of a brain-dead struggle over the quickening remains of a once miraculous planet and so required an exorcism, or I knew I would probably commit mass rage suicide with a gun. It was if Golem looked at his reflection one day and saw the hideous thing it had become. A flash recognition and then a memory prized from the clutter and junk of the child hidden inside from the adult it had become while playing hide and go seek, the sense of awe when seeing my first hummingbird, mantis, the walking stick, praying with an overwhelming sense of the enormity of the universe, snuggling in bed with soft flannel pajamas and a book, hopefully a secret revealed. The low warm drone of parents a floor and rooms apart, Neil raising his voice to make a point with a girlfriend, Snoopy on the hooked rug. I'm crying..crying. That child never dies but hides in a deep dark closet waiting for the monster to go away. The Elephant in the room, dear readers, is us. I'm safe here in my little dystopian world to work out my shit.

And now I stop. While becoming a digital warrior I lost myself in the sound and fury of the funhouse. A game that you enter with your own avatar and shtick. You lie like a troll or rage against hypocrisy like Joan of Arc. You maintain your moral compass or succumb to the bought culture. You're bought and paid for and hence your human traffic, no worse than human chattel doing the bidding of wealthy oligarchs or misogynist pigs. You suck up to and suck their withers. Or you're too stupid to know the difference and become part of a tribe. In a bubble that breaks like an egg slopping the Persian rug with what you've become. Congratulations, you've just canceled thousands of years of evolution! There's no immunity for herd mentality if it leads you off a cliff. Except for smelling the coffee, having that sudden searing flash of childlike innocence. And yes, me too. Even though I raged against stupidity and human weakness I to have fallen into the black hole of oblivion. I fucking want my child back!

Does stopping mean I'm found? Does finding yourself mean never saying you're sorry again? LOL. Is the moral conviction of upending your life to truly discover who you are negate any harm you may have caused anyone before your age of innocence begins? Does having an epiphany that you've been one giant jackass all your life exempt you from your occasional low brow meanness or murdering innocent humans? From unintentional bullying someone into whimpering submission? What you got was my anger not my innocence. By not being the same person who committed the crime of murder, do you get out of guilt jail and never think of it again? See what I mean! See. Just another monkey flinging it out at some nebulous danger. Danger Will Robinson!'

I post because I am. I shriek into the abyss and the abyss readily takes it, wants more. What a waste, how fucking sad that a creature with such abilities that creates such masterful works, has had a self-destruct mechanism built in to make sure that it all becomes dust in the wind. I post to you with always the illusion that it will somehow be attended to by some future archivist handling such stuff, after miraculously pulling through it by the skin of our teeth. Or some far flung alien civilization doing an archeological dig on Wall Street or just making a quick stop on the way to somewhere, decides to dig in and uncover our path to destruction. Is that it, that we've scrabbled to get this far and oops, our bad, didn't see that coming. But, we did, didn't we! I post to add another voice out into whatever remains of sanity, mine probably more so than yours. I post.

There was a ding meaning an incoming message, nothing unusual. The blue glow of the screen flickered showing a rotating triple helix. She stretched, feeling her small houseboat yawing, rubbing against the dock, speaking the language she'd come to love. It dinged again and pushed out an Urgent Message Meme with a dinosaur looking up at an incoming meteor.

Archangel, I need you!

'Fuck, open.'

'Please open your door.'

'What?"

'There is a messenger waiting outside to give you an important message.'

It was usually drone package deliveries dropped on her roof so to air on the side of caution, she pushed the door open pointing her security piece at whatever.

'Who, who', said a strange metallic Owl.

Hello Gillian, I've followed you for six years and respect you very much. My name is Moon and I want you to join our team in tackling our existential threat. We are seeking young, dedicated influencers like yourself for your valuable services. You are the first and since you've been in the thick of it, we also have a wish that you present us with who you believe would help in our mission, your first job if you accept this one. You will receive your own A-Frame on a wild part of the northern Adirondacks with full pay.

'Please come in.'

'I'm not authorized to come in anywhere but will give you code to use on a one hour upgraded slice of LUNA to speak with me. Ready? It will show on my breast plate.'

'So, to all of you, I hereby tender my Declaration of Intention that I remove myself from the ethernet and reimagine my next life. I love you all and will continue to hold your regard as the most beautiful thing in my life. The decision to stop has been a gut-wrenching event in the making for a year now but goddess willing, you may see me again.

with  love and deep gratitude,

Archangel