Dead Stars

May 4th

We were supposed to be on a car on the way to New York, but you convinced me to stay because of Ysabelle. You went out with her for about three dates now and, from the looks of it, you really like her. I wasn't going to compete with that. So, of course, I agreed to stay.

After your second date, you brought her over to our apartment because you wanted me to meet her. She was lovely. She was sweet, she was gorgeous- she was everything you said she would be.  That's what I hated most. She was the nicest, sweetest girl, which made it all the more harder to hate her. 

When she left that night, you asked me what I thought about her. I told you she was beautiful and that she was lovely. You flashed a smile, pulled me in for a hug, and said, "I knew you would like her, Peyton!"

I do. I do like her. But a part of me can't help but hate her. I really try to set that hatred aside for you, but I can't. Ever since we were little, it was always Niall and Peyton. It was you and I throughout everything and anything. The thought of someone else, some other girl, to take that away from me... I hated it.

Earlier tonight, you arrived back from your date. You approached me from behind and wrapped your arms around me. "How was it?" I asked, secretly hoping for a horrible answer.

"It was amazing." You answered in which I was disappointed. I put a smile on my face and turned around to face you. "Yeah, what happened?"

"We went to Santa Monica, right? And we just walked around and talked and ate the most amazing dinner." A smile on you face as you were talking, "She's just this really, really amazing girl. We like the same things, hate the same things, I feel like I can talk to her about anything. She laughs at my jokes. It's only a plus that she is absolutely gorgeous."

I forced a smile on my face. "I'm so happy for you, Niall!" I let go of you and walked to the kitchen. After years of being in love with you, getting hurt like this is something you get used to. I grabbed the tray of cookies I baked earlier this evening and brought it out for you.

"I'm sorry I missed our movie night." You say as you get a cookie and take a bite, "I'll make it up to you."

I shrugged, "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

You looked at me in the eye. "Peyton."

"Yeah?"

You looked at me carefully, "Are you sure it's okay if we stay a little longer?"

"Of course! I don't mind." I tell you, not completely believing myself. Your eyes were still on mine. "Peyton, the truth?"

I sighed. "I was kind of looking forward to our road trip. We spent weeks planning it, but if you want to stay a little longer and if it makes you happy, I really don't mind."

"Are you sure?" You asked again.

I nodded my head and smiled at you. I got up from my seat and patted your head, "As long as you're happy, I'll be fine. The roadtrip can wait."

As long as you're happy, I'll be fine- I've been saying this to myself for the past years. Putting your happiness before mine is something that I do without really knowing I'm doing it.

There were things I set aside that were important to help you or to be there for you. There were times when I would ditch all the guys I tried to date to help you set up your dates. There were nights I would stay up with you and listen to you talk about all these girls you fancied or you were in love with. There were so many things I wanted to say, but you were happy. I couldn't ruin that even if I wanted you. That's how much I loved you.

But, I guess, in the end it's all worth it. Seeing how happy you are and the smile on your face, it makes me happy. Although, I will admit that no matter how used I am to the pain of seeing you with other girls or having other girls take you away from me, it still hurts.