I do not know what I want.
That is how it has always been.
Life just passes by me.
Flowers bloom, they wither, and the rain comes and goes. Sun shins sometimes; sometimes, it likes to play hide and seek. The moon goes through its changes. The smell the wind carries every day, every year, changing constantly. The very nature around me is changing, ever-growing, moving constantly.
I just go with the flow.
I wish I was a river. An unstoppable river. Carving a place for myself on Earth. But I am just a leaf floating on it. Drifting through life. Leaving no trace of me. I have nothing I can offer to the people or this world. I have nothing I can give back for all I am given. From the moment I was born, I have been taking but never giving back. Maybe it is because of this that I have no place for me on this Earth.
I do not exist in any meaningful way. My life had no meaning. It still does not. I still exist because my time is not yet over. After my time comes, I will be forgotten. Like I have been forgotten in my short life. I have always been an afterthought. To be taken out to care about in a moment of impulse. Forgotten soon enough.
Maybe even that be lost in the vast ocean of life.
I do not want to be an afterthought. I do not want to be forgotten.
Somewhere deep inside me, I want to be remembered. I want to be the priority. I want someone to listen. I want someone to know me. The real selfish person I am. I want to leave behind something of me that will exist somewhere in this world. Like the writers and poets who still left behind a piece of themselves behind. I want to do something like that.
Maybe that is why I have always wanted to write something. But I do not have that talent nor that mindset that those great people had. So all I write is what I feel now. What I write is my life.
So this is Hayati.
