1. Summon Anime Waifus
Raise this finger, and BOOM—every anime waifu ever created was instantly mine. Doesn’t matter if she’s tsundere, yandere, kuudere, or the queen of her own magical realm. They’d all blush, call me "baka," and start knitting me scarves with their own tears. Even Rimuru himself? He’d transform into whatever form suited the mood and prepare a banquet for me while Ciel calculated my ideal life trajectory.
2. Contact with Rimuru, Ciel, and Long-Dead Veldanava
That’s right. This finger wasn’t just a weapon—it was a cosmic hotline. With a casual flick, I could call Rimuru Tempest for world-building advice or summon Ciel to optimize my daily schedule. Need a cheat code to life? Ciel would whisper it directly into my mind, her calm voice practically writing the plot of my success story. Even Veldanava, the long-dead creator of their universe, would answer my calls. “Oh, it’s you again,” he’d sigh, sipping cosmic tea. “What do you want this time? A new planet? Immortality? Waifu expansions?”
Now? My finger is broken, and the hotline is cut off. Rimuru doesn’t respond to my texts. Ciel has ghosted me. Even Veldanava is probably laughing in his divine afterlife.
3. Summon Anime Protagonists for Free Labor
You’ve seen isekai anime where overpowered protagonists get summoned to save the world, right? Well, my middle finger flipped that script. One flick, and any protagonist became my personal assistant. Need someone to mow the lawn? BOOM—Deku’s trimming hedges while shouting, “Plus Ultra!” Hungry? Goku’s cooking ramen and eating half of it. Need emotional support? Tanjiro’s holding my hand, tears streaming, telling me I’m an inspiration.
4. Rewrite History
Cringe moment in middle school haunting you at 3 a.m.? GONE. Accidentally sent a typo in a text to your crush? BOOM, fixed. Called your teacher “mom” in 4th grade? Never happened. Told someone their haircut was “interesting” when you meant “terrible”? Wiped from existence. My middle finger could rewrite the past with such precision that even timelines themselves thanked me.
5. Summon Unlimited Pizza
Not just any pizza. Cosmic pizza. A perfect blend of cheese, sauce, and toppings crafted by celestial beings. You want pineapple? Done. Deep dish that defies gravity? Yours. All it took was a flick of my middle finger, and dinner was served.
6. Turn Haters into Fans
Ever argued with a troll online? A coworker who insists they know everything? One flick, and they were your biggest fans. They’d write sonnets, send gift baskets, and apologize for their mere existence. Even rival anime studios would collaborate to animate my life story in 4K.
And now? IT’S BROKEN. My godlike finger has been reduced to a sad, limp noodle of despair. I can’t summon waifus. I can’t call Rimuru. I can’t obliterate enemies or even properly point at the McDonald’s menu. Entire dimensions are mourning. Alternate universes are collapsing. Even Veldanava probably felt a disturbance in the Force and spit out his divine coffee.
It hurts. IT HURTS. Not just physically but cosmically. My doctor says, “Rest it,” but how do you rest a weapon of mass destruction? Do I cradle it? Read it bedtime stories? Wrap it in enchanted bandages blessed by Raphael himself?
So yeah, I’m taking a break. Not because I want to, but because the multiverse needs me to heal. If I don’t recover, humanity might as well pack up and call it quits. Who will summon the waifus? Who will unite anime and reality? Who will contact Rimuru to build a perfect world or ask Ciel for ultimate life hacks?
But don’t worry—I’ll be back. Stronger. Faster. Finger-ier. Ready to wield the Middle Finger of Power once more and restore balance to the cosmos. Until then, cherish your fingers. Take them on walks. Build altars to them. Because you never know when one of your fingers might ascend to godhood.
See ya next time!
(P.S. Typing this with nine fingers is humbling. My other fingers are bullying me. Please send snacks, anime Blu-rays, and maybe some enchanted finger armor. Thanks.)
[ By the way, if I can write with my other fingers, I might start uploading the chapters again. Who knows? ]
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