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HEY EVERYONE, GATHER ‘ROUND!
This isn’t a chapter. It’s not even a prologue. This is The Announcement. The kind of news that will echo through history, be written in sacred texts, and inspire not only a Netflix documentary but probably a three-season anime adaptation. So grab a snack, hug your dog, kiss your waifu pillow (don’t even try to deny it), and pay attention.
I’m taking a break.
But calm yourselves! Don’t riot. Don’t start an online petition. Don’t summon me through an eldritch ritual (okay, maybe consider it). It’s not forever. Just a week. Maybe two. Maybe one and a half. Who knows? Time is relative, and my calendar is mostly memes. The point is, I’ll be back.
Why, you ask? Oh, sweet, innocent summer child, prepare yourself. This is a tale of betrayal, cosmic loss, and a finger so powerful that even the gods themselves are mourning its downfall.
So there I was. Living my best life. Playing football with my friends. But I wasn’t just playing—oh no. I was THE GOALKEEPER. The WALL OF DESTINY. The FINAL BOSS. The UNBREAKABLE SHIELD. The ball came flying at me like a meteor sent by the angry gods of anime dads discovering their daughters are dating. I wasn’t scared. I leaped into action—majestic, like a phoenix rising to the challenge.
And then—CRUNCH.
My middle finger. My precious, beloved middle finger. The One Finger to Rule Them All. It didn’t just bend. It didn’t just bruise. It snapped. Broken. Betrayed. Reduced to a useless twig of its former glory. My life flashed before my eyes, and it was 90% anime battles, 5% bad decisions, and 5% me crying over those decisions.
But here’s the thing you don’t understand: this wasn’t just any finger. This was THE Middle Finger of Absolute Power.
This finger wasn’t just flesh and bone. It was legendary. A divine artifact. A weapon capable of shaking the multiverse. Think Goku’s Spirit Bomb, Saitama’s punch, and the Infinity Gauntlet, all combined and blessed by the Great Sage herself. Thor’s hammer? A child’s toy. Excalibur? A butter knife. My middle finger was the literal pinnacle of existence, and its powers? Beyond comprehension.
Do you even comprehend the limitless power of my middle finger? You don’t. You can’t. Your mortal brain isn’t wired to handle this kind of cosmic nonsense. Let me explain:
